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Et Cætera
trochee

The sun has sent his naked rays,
 1
to wake you and observe the haze.
 2
The world in queue and all the nymphs
 3
desire to live to see a glimpse,
 4
betray them not their odds are low,
 5
a strand will do or an inch of your bow.
 6
 
 
The more I think and the harder I try
 7
words against you look dull and dry.
 8
 
 
Your face is so smooth, it makes me mull,
 9
weaving its charm like a pentacle.
 10
 
 
Lips that drew a googol of sighs
 11
arch them not, else hopes will rise
 12
 
 
Don't speak or sweetness of your deed
 13
may melt the water and the breeze,
 14
the pompous snow, the elite ice,
 15
the pearls that shy underneath.
 16
 
 
Hmm...
 17
These words can't draw your beauty's due
 18
I see no reason to continue.
 19

7 Feb 07

Rated 4.7 (4.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 1, 5, 8
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Comments:

L9/10's rhyme is forced.
End is weak. I'd end @ 16.
A solid write.  Title could be improved. A poem stacked with nymphs and lovely words deserves better.
 — WordsAndMe

i agree with wordsandme's suggestions about 9/10 and ending at 16.  
I would also take the word "up" out of line 2. other than that, i really enjoyed it!
 — sarahjoie

This was my very first poem and its damn personal.its a repost.
Thx for the suggestions WaM and thx for readin sarahjoie i am glad u enjoyed it.
 — trochee

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