poetry critical

online poetry workshop

The Inside Flame


6 Feb 07

Rated 6.7 (6.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 3, 7, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)

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I like it. It's very touching...I guess. A wick & flame compared to an individual...very creative.
 — unknown

I agree. Very creative poem and individual I may add.
 — unknown

the end of line 1 needs a pause - a semi colon perhaps.
don't start each line with a capital letter - its offputting to read. It flows better aesthetically if that is taken into consideration.

I'm not sure I like the repetition of wick in the first stanza - be imaginative, i'm sure you have plenty more words you can choose from.
Again, at the end of line 3, it may need a comma, as the next line doesn't feel right just flowing on from it. read it aloud, you'll see what i mean.

the image in line 6 is a good one, but im not sure if its a relevant one. it is only a candle, not a flaming inferno - surely it would be more delicate? unless you are describing the olympic torch. but I can see why it is needed for the next line. It just doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm not entirely sure what is going on here, but that is purely because it looks chaotic - there is no set structure, but maybe you have intended that to coincide with the "growing pain."

it needs a lot of work, but it certainly has a direction.

correct the grammer first and get rid of those capitals. all ths needs is more of a polish up and it could be something.
 — Esoteric

i like the rhyming. seems to be vry random in there, but what do i know. i really like it tho!
 — popyelle

 — unknown

[Comment removed by moderator.]

ok is this about masturbation?
I mean think about it...
 — unknown

"powers fuss." Not sure what that means. I feel like beating my wick. Seriously though it is an interesting poem, although the meaning is vague and a wick doesn't usually have so much power, maybe bunson burner - ha.
 — unknown

just a suggestion, if you want to thank someone for a comment they made, do it under your own poem, not on the message board - this will give you the attention you dont want.
 — Esoteric

Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind for my other poetry that I may post on PC.
For now, I’m still getting used to everything here, so please give me some time.
 — pl_rose03

well fuck.
this sucks.
 — bologna

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