poetry critical

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Ive been overcome by my desire,
And I've lost my self control.
I feel beyond compelled for
The chance for one more kiss.
You are such a rare beauty.
You are my earthly goddess
If I kissed you one more time,
Would you tell me how you feel?
Would you tell me you love me again?
Im addicted to your love,
Im intoxicated by your presence.
My body screams for your touch,
And my heart screams for yours.
I remember the passion we shared,
And how you felt beneath my fingertips.
I want to to be inside of you again,
I have no escape from these feelings.
Im lying all alone and restless,
Unable to lose the image of you.
Im sleepless, unable to focus on
Anything but being with you.
I want your sweet surrender
I want to be closer to you.
Whenever I'm with you
You make me feel I'm whole.
I will always love you

4 Feb 07

Rated 5 (5) by 2 users.
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This is cliche as can be. If you added the word dove in there...it could be even more cliche, so I guess it's not cliche as can be. It's close though. Bravo! 4/10
 — Henry

A suggestion is to either use commas, etc. throughout or don't use them at all.  It's distracting when some lines have them and the next don't.

I feel as if I've read this 100 times before, mostly written this way.  Can you write something original or creative about love and longing?  
 — Isabelle5