poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Smack Hit (Senryu)

Numb with pleasure, blood
shoots high while heroin calms,
wiping the slate clean.

1 Feb 07

(define the words in this poem)

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numb-mind and dumb-brained,
blood bright with skank, heroin;
tying up the score.
 — mikebauer

mikebauer! How dare you out shine me on my senryu! lol
 — marieF

that's yours! but, it was the "pleasure" that got to me, cause it's descriptive from an outside the realm knowledge. it seemed to me that the poem should be the discriptor of "pleasure". certainly your poem has the sensuality, though, and i can see this out in a long poem.

do you know the Heine "Morphine"?
 — mikebauer

Melissa will say that this is not a poem it is just a dozen words.
 — unknown