| lost in significance |
Esoteric
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the canyon whistles
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as the coyote howls;
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dust etched on the night.
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1 Feb 07 |
Rated 7.7 (7.2) by 13 users.
Active (13): 1, 1, 1, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 3, 6, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(8 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
visual ... yeah.
— unknown
law's
tin
significance
if you can change coyote to wolf (lawyer) somehow...
— chuckles
not sure i understand. why would i write about a lawyer - i have other ways to waste my time.
i had no title for this and did not want to add another "untitled" to the endless list of them.
— Esoteric
my comment is plain
your "haiku" (which is 5-6-5, by the way), doesn't have to be
— chuckles
i don't need structure to write a haiku. haiku structure was intended for the way it was where it originated in the east - the syllable count in the words were more there, as compard to English - i write my haikus in the style of a western haiku - all you need is the image,
eg
the bottoms of my shoes
are clean
from walking in the rain
thanks for being plain.
— Esoteric
you are quite
welcome.
— chuckles
soleless are my shoes
tired feet plodding unnoticed
their rainfalls over
— chuckles
timeless the night seems
when staring at dotted skies -
eyes reflect wonder
— Esoteric
hiaku's are fun.
— unknown
stupid wonky nun
cant spell- blinded by the sun
hi yackooze are fun!
— unknown
thank unknown - i will surely take your comment on board when editing my hiaku's, but alas this is a haiku.
what's wrong with wonky nun's?
— Esoteric
if you pump up the volume on both the canyon and coyote, maybe some of that dust can get knocked off... no i rate an 8 for style. sorta the songs of darkness.
— unknown
Thank you Unknown for your comment.
— Esoteric
i really like this poem.
each verb creates a sound that is powerful.
i can hear the sound of dust "etching".
— sarahjoie
thank you sarahjoie for your comment.
Eso
— Esoteric
why not follow the
five seven five syllable
count; too hard for you?
nem
— unknown
not hard at all - i could easily make it into a 5-7-5 syllable count. however, when i first wrote it, the above is what came out and i therefore do not wish to change it. it does not have to be an exact syllable count. give me a law written in red ink and i will beleive it, but otherwise, i'll do what the fuck i want.
thank you for your comemnt and your time.
peace out!
— Esoteric
This is not a poem. It is just a dozen words. Try writing a real poem.
— MelissaK
Esoteric, you have probably just written yourself off this site. we try to help each other here. Inflexibility and an unwillingness to modify your writing sits against the purpose of the site, you are here for reason of vanity.
— unknown
I like your western style poem. you have used season words to advantage. I am there in the wind with you.
I left the word haiku off my poems hopuing to avoid rude remarks but alas it was not to be.
violet
— unknown
I like your short poem
— unknown
Melissak - show me a real poem?
Violet - thank you!
Unknown - i like your short comment.
— Esoteric
If you are the asshole who wrote that shit poem toward MelissaK, you can go to hell, motherfucker.
— unknown
You are an asshole.
— unknown
A dozen words is all this is. It hardly can be called a poem. A waste of space is what it really is. Estoric is a coward and a butthole.
— unknown
i have no idea who MelissaK is, and if i did write them a poem it would have been a good poem at least!
final unknown, get cultured!
— Esoteric
Nothing more than a dozen words.
— unknown
You owe Melissa K an apology.
— unknown
Pelican's gonna get you.
— unknown
you owe me money.
— Esoteric
You owe me a blowjob.
— unknown
This is not good poetry. And it's writer blows.
— pelican
pelican's Stats
poems: 0
average poem: 0.0 (0.0)
comments: 4
ratings: 0
average rating: 0.0
forum posts: 5
last visit: 11 Feb 07
i rest my case.
— Esoteric
Everybody knows me, Asshole. I have had poems here. But that's not the point. The point is. I only come to this site to watch out for innocent people who are attacked by assholes by you.
— pelican
oh, so you're the friendly neighbourhood hero, here to help all those in dire need. we're all saved, hurrah - three cheers for pelican, the pretentious fuck who beleives his presence is overwhelming.
— Esoteric
My presence is needed, Asshole. That is why I keep popping up from time to time all these years. You haven't been here long, and your stay will be short if you don't quit. I made some big changes in this site last year and I'll do it again if I have to.
— pelican
let me try and speak your language - this shouldn't be difficult as there seems to be only one word in your vocab.
ahem ...
asshole, asshole assshole asshole, asshole. asshole, asshole; asshole asshole.
are we settled on that now? good.
— Esoteric
I'd say other words but the moderator will remove them.
— pelican
Pelican, you're a sort of perverted, sad, worthless shit. As I remember, you were sexually predating on members of the site last year. Perhaps it was to make a point?
Hardly protecting the innocent. Take your weak, pretentious self-importance and shove it somewhere you'll enjoy it more. Anyway.
Eso, on your poem.
I happen to be a stickler for structure, but since you don't want to change it... all I can offer is my opinion on how I think it should've been done. I would've made your coyote old.
Perhaps simplistic, but you could've avoided all the comment drama.
Teo.
— teo_omega11
Teo, please, don't assume i don't want to change it - i'd prefer an honest ear bashing of criticism - that way, i get to see my poem in more than one way. I apologise if thats the way it has come across, its just i tend to write the way it feels at the time and i normally don't like taking away that spontineity. adding old, would make it into the classic Haiku format so there is always that.
Thank you for reading Teo - who knows, when i read back over these in the near future, it'll look and feel odd and I may change it.
some thing have to be changed.
Eso
— Esoteric
this man is a winnrar and visionary, because the Leipzig Convention of Poets restandardized the syllable count to 5-6-5 LOLWIN
— unknown
Haiku is poetry for first graders. You suck boy.
— unknown
haiku is poetry. poetry is for first graders. except some of us do it better than others. you give me a poem.
— Esoteric
You give me head, boy.
— unknown
As A haiku it's not to bad. I find senryu is more my style though. I like writing both Haiku and Senryu in a series, that way you can tell more of a story. Overall it's pretty good. You really did good with the visuals and that's what Haiku is about.
— matthew144
thank you matthew of the 144 variety.
— Esoteric
nice poem.
though, if it weren't this format, i'd say 'etches'...
— varun
well, i could change it, as i havn't stuck to a format here or a structure. i've used the western hiku format. i'll see how it goes. it may read better.
thank you varun.
— Esoteric
i don't like "as the", especially "the". maybe change it to wild? or another better word?
— inutile
shavedcunnie's gonna get you
shavedcunnie's gonna get you
shavedcunnie's gonna get you
shavedcunnie's gonna get you
shavedcunnie's gonna get you
shavedcunnie's gonna get you
— unknown
nice poem. short, but it captures the image well.
— unknown
I can smell the peyote and the dust.
— Isabelle5
I want to be able to smell it. but alas, this is more of a dream than an experience.
— Esoteric
This shit really sucks. You obviously had to suck locks of peckers to get popularity.
— hairlesscunn
*suck suck suck suck*
is that too bitter for you?
— Esoteric
What does the word "locks" that hairlesscunn uses mean?
— unknown
does it really matter? stop spamming peoples poems.
— Esoteric
Who's spamming?
— unknown
Who is shavedcunnie? Who is hairlesscunn? What does the word locks mean? Who is spamming. What sort of spam? Why does this crap have a rating as high as 7.7?
— unknown
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