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I'm rather short, for I'm a dwarf
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and don't have long to live.
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All the people that annoyed me
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probably thought that I’d forgive.
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And I guess I really should have,
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but I know I never will,
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so I’ve made a list of people
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that before I die, I’ll kill.
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Doug Barnes is my new roommate,
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and he isn’t too polite.
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He plays WoW at early hours
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and he never says “goodnight.”
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And he shoves his father’s golf clubs,
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in my room beneath the stairs,
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so I'll stab him with his dagger
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when I think he's least prepared.
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His brother Tom is not so bad,
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unless Chris King is there.
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They constantly make fun of me
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as if I’m not aware.
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So I think I’ll beat the brother
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with my cane when he’s asleep,
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and then after trip their loud friend
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down the stairs, which are quite steep.
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Katie Lansing, I have yet to meet
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but I can surely tell
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from what I’ve heard, I’m sure to find
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that she should die as well.
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So I’ll sew her sphincter closed
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with a needle and a thread
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and then feed her tons of cookies
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till she eats so much, she’s dead.
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There I'm sure are still more people
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that would annoy me, had we met
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but we thankfully did not meet,
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for they surely would regret
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the day that they annoyed me
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or were even slightly mean,
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To the young, Darren P. Johnson
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Who had died at age sixteen.
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