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Lucifer's got nothing on him.

The demon in my brain
is driving me insane
because everytime I
close my eyes, he begins
to scream your name.

Forever and Always

29 Jan 07

(define the words in this poem)
(3 more poems by this author)

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 — unknown

Thank you.

 — For_Forsaken

too simple to be any good
 — unknown

This could be the chorus to an excellent rock ballad, or similar.  Nice.
 — unknown

Hmm.  I never thought of it like that.  Thank you.

And, could you elaborate, first unknown?
 — For_Forsaken

 — Lucifer



Lol, like..seriously.


 — For_Forsaken

Far too simple. Why is he in your brain? And why brain? Why not head? Why not surrounding you? Elaborate on the idea of L4-5. Who's "your name" The reader? Someone related to the persona?

Think! : )
 — DeathShards

It's supposed to be this simple.

Thanks for the comment, but no thanks to the suggested changes.
 — For_Forsaken

this has a nice rhythm. the first thing i noticed about it was its flow and tempo, and in terms of syllables this is fine. it is for that reason that i don't want to change anything, as it would interrupt this flow.

i will however give my opinion.

in terms of poetic credibility of its wording, there isn't much. you tell us there is a voice screaming someones name. that is it. expanding upon the idea would be the reccomended option, however i don't feel this should be any longer.

i honestly don't know what to suggest or what to add, but this is a fun poem i suppose. maybe it says more to you.

 — Esoteric

I understand what you mean.  This started out as just a poem I started and never finished, but I don't..know what to do.  It means a lot to me and the one it was written for, because.. because of personal reasons, I suppose.  We're always talking about the demon in my brain, but I don't think he ever understood the connotations of it before I wrote this.  Maybe this is just meant for me and him, but I'm content with it, I believe.  If you think of anything, though, let me know.
 — For_Forsaken

in that respect then, this is more of a personal poem. if i can find a way of making it work but without taking it out of context i'll tell you. although it'll be through email most probably. i prefer to work on poems that way.
 — Esoteric

Sounds good to me.
 — For_Forsaken

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