poetry critical

online poetry workshop

My poo.

'How are you?'
That's all I said,
it seems to have caused some confusion,
as if I uttered an illicit line,
a portion of profoundly impenetrable prose,
a paradoxical poo in your sparkly pure thought stream.
Now you, you're back in your corner,
by the frosted window
and the warmest radiator.
These words with which I inadvertently raped you
are filtering through your fingers -
my poo on your paper.

29 Jan 07

Rated 8 (8) by 4 users.
Active (4): 5, 7, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(4 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha



 — chuckles

Oh, wow!  Good one!
 — starr

Well the title certianly gets ones attention
 — SordidShade

I'm so confused, yet delighted while reading this at the same time.
 — SenorSin

hehehe....nice.  Lines 1-6 are awesome...love the words, the sound...."illicit line" and the ever-fitting plosive 'p' sound works perfectly.  
 — candykid

NO!!! sparkly pure? pure is the opposite - without sparkles, with contaminants – PURE! yeesh.
 — unknown

Hehe. Lovely.
 — SarahMichele

I like but the "my poo" at the end makes it seem the speaker was up to something and it seems to me the point is that the speaker was doing nothing but checking in and the "you" read something ridiculously more in it and in so doing cocked up the relationship.
 — tillmorgan

No no no back! Pure water sparkles in the light when running in a stream.
Have you never seen a stream?
 — unknown

Surely there are better words than poo???
 — Isabelle5

well, perhaps, but i think every word has a right to exist and its kind of supposed to be blunt. Really, the title of the poem is reed-bed, but i wanted people to read it so i chose a more shocking title. I could have written 'excrement' or i could have chosen something unneccessarily obtuse but really, that was the way i felt, like id done a smelly accidental poo in her thoughts and she was huddled in a corner penning to cleanse herself. Eventually i got her to explain to me what the problem had been - i was at a coppicing course in the woods with lots of strangers in northern england and she was german and didnt understand my question "how are you?" as being a conversation starter, and got herself all confused.
There you go!
 — sisotowbel