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Sister's Here
starr

She's home in time for blossoms.
 1
Buds are bleeding in the
 2
trees;
 3
 
 
My sister's here for dinner
 4
in the honey red dress
 5
she keeps from me.
 6
 
 
The
 7
room's
 8
clean.
 9

28 Jan 07

Rated 7.7 (7.7) by 5 users.
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Comments:

"honey red"? That seems a bit odd as a description and I can't really figure out what it should make me feel. It should say "The room is clean." And does running from bees relate to the honey dress?

Well, whatever. I guess I don't really see what you were trying to achieve here, but at the same time I appreciate the pucntuation and like some of the images you chose to use, I just feel like they're incongruent with one another.
 — Notecompsure

This poem is about my sister coming to visit me all the way from Cali.  When she gets here, she makes a dash for the bathroom, where she has her period.  Now, come on.  I'm a dude writing this shit.  I don't think I can be anymore explicit about a woman's menstrual cycle than this.  The honey red dress/woman cloth refer to her tampon.  The room being clean pertains to her having had her period.  I think this deserves more than a "3," don't you?  Give a guy a break for trying to capture feminine nature in a poem!  LOL!
 — starr

ooooh...starr....this is WONDERFUL!  i hope your sister has read it.
 — unknown

Kind of ritualistic arcane feel to this, very nicely done.
 — unknown

Mikebauer is an asshole. Don't you agree, starr?
 — unknown

This is a good poem. And I agree with the comment about mikebauer.
 — MelissaK

Thanks 4 the comments, cool people!  How does Mike figure into this poem?  And furthermore, this is about poetry, not about doggin' others.  I don't know Mike other than through this site and in print, not in person, so therefore, I cannot make a character assessment on his behalf.  We don't know one another.   His correspondences with me and about my poetry have always been just.  No complaints.  This kind of stuff needs to be taken to the message board and not to a poet's art space.  Peace, love 'n light and come on now...let's be good to each other.  We're poets.  We must preserve what is pure and good and then write it.  By any other standard(s), we'd be no better than the rest of the world and why be like the rest when we can be like the BEST?  Thanks again, guyz!  Much appreciated are your comments on this poem.
 — starr

Not sure what this is about.  I love the clean feeling, contrasted with the red dress - honey red?  Is that a real color of honey?  Wow, it must be lovely!

I was expecting something else defining woman cloth, maybe that's too typical to expect, something with blood or the essence of Woman.  I like the idea of the woman cloth being vibrant and red, without a reference to the usual blood idea of life and such.

I am not sure what the room being clean is about.  
 — Isabelle5

I absolutely would not have guessed the dress is the tampon, not in a million years.  I never thought of a tampon as cloth.  I understand this now and I'll have to rethink how I viewed it as her in a fiery red dress.

I don't know about the room being clean.  That implies that there is something inherently dirty about menstrual blood, which is sterile until it hits the air.  

I'm still thinking!
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle...THANKyou!  The room being clean just says that she's had her period and she's refreshed again.  Definitely not implying anything dirty here though.  It's all good.  It's something that she took on a 5 hour flight from L.A. to Boston with her and then on an hour trainride to Salem and didn't let it all pass until she got to my house.  Honey red is "the blood."  Her sweetness is still apparent after all these years.  Thankyou soooooooo much for your feedback.  I'm still thinking too!  All my love, Starr
 — starr

interesting poem starr,
now i hope you don't think my own tampon reference in my "bachelor" ditty is icky anymore! haha...!
I'm not sure how the "red dress" makes her feel "so free".  
My honey-red dress makes me feel bloated, constricted and cranky!  
Unless you are hinting that being a woman is "freeing" in some feminine way?
I have a bit of a beef with "bosom";
it has been extensively overused for my taste these days.
If you keep it, it should not read in the plural sense.
It's a difficult piece for me to wrap myself around, but wonderful that you can put yourself into such a role,
delivering an earthly message of fertility, beauty and womanhood.
I think that's all I can offer right now, =-)
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

Hi Jen!

I removed the comma after cloth in L8, added "and" to connect to L9 and now the honey red dress becomes the "passing of her period."  Is this better now?  It's hard to want to write a poem about a feminine subject when the writer is a man (that'd be ME!), however, I think I nailed it this time around.  Let me know whatcha think with these revisions in place.  You're soooo funny!  Bloated & cranky!!!  I know...I'm the only boy of 3 kids.  Believe me...I KNOW!!!  Love, Starr
 — starr

Ma bad.  I did it again!  Revised this one 4 the LAST TIME!!!  Whaddayathink now, Jen?
 — starr

Changed the title too.
 — starr

hi starr, I really like the changes in L's 1-3, but was wondering if you could say,
"Buds (are) bleeding in the trees"?
If the buds are bleeding, they could be opening, changing, showing their colour.
Just not sure how to visualize bleeding trees, sounds a bit like the trees
are hurt or dying and therefore not soft sounding (to me).
Line7&8 still perplex me (still stuck on "free").
I need help with this part,
I just don't associate my .  with freedom, and if her .  is over, then how could she still be wearing the honey-red dress?
I applaud you for writing a poem of this nature, it's not easy for a man, but you've done a great job here.  (me just a wee confused).
Jen-
 — unknown

How's that Jen?  Any better?  Thanks!  Love, Starr
 — starr

SICK
 — unknown

Real men CAN write about their sister's menstrual cycles if they want to.  It's only "sick" cuz you were probably were told you couldn't and then believed it.  Get over it, asshole.
Real men can even ask other female poets on this board for thoughts and suggestions on how to better it and then RECEIVE those thoughts and suggestions to awesome effect.  Go have sex with your ex cuz your ex is probably the only person in the world that'll give it to ya (drunk).
 — starr

yay!!!  This is great Starr!
I think it's perfect.
I'm sorry for picking you to death!
=-)
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

Well, if I didn't know the story, there is no way I'd know what this is about, Starr.  You pared it down!  
 — Isabelle5

Well, I agree with Isabelle that you wouldn't really know what this meant.
My opinion of the poem is a little biased because I know the story,
however, I think the mystery of the message is still intriguing.
 — jenakajoffer

You girlz rock, Isabelle & Jen!!!  Jen, you're not pickin' me to death.  You're helping me to write a poem and that's what this site is so known for contrary to what others may say.  Thanks from the bottom of my cosmic heart!  Take care, guyz!
 — starr

If I read this without knowing, I'd think you had some incestuous interest in your sister, so she keeps the sexy red dress away from you, therefore the room is clean.  This is like a completely different poem.  Still very good but it just is not the same poem now.
 — Isabelle5

we dont need no menstruation


st3ntorian
 — unknown

Oh God, no, Isabelle.  NO.  is definitely not my bag.  Writing about unusual subjects tends to be as of late.  Thanks 4 checkin' it out in its 90th incarnation.
 — starr

I like the opening which suggests fertility and fecundity - I like the way that idea of fecundity carries on with the 'honey red.' Interesting that it's kept from the poet - not sure if the poem ends on a positive or negative note - but each word obviously carries great significance as each one has a line to itself.
 — opal

Starr, not meant to implicate you in that!!!  
 — Isabelle5

Thanks, Opal!  What cool things to say!  Much appreciated!  And Isabelle, not to worry.  I never thought you were implying that tobegin with.  It's all good.  Thanks, ladies!  
 — starr

I don't see the "honey red dress" becuz I don't equate honey and red.  You could do worse to explain the coloring here a bit better.
Also... the last stanza seems forgettable.  Were you going for something with it?  If so, I didn't get it.
 — aforbing

My sister had her period in my bathroom, the honey red dress is bloody tampon and the room's clean pertains to her ________ after the fact.  I found inspiration (somehow) in one of my baby sister's natural feminine cycles and then put it to poetry.  
 — starr

p.s.  Thanks again, Aforbing, for checkin' my shit out.  Means a lot to me.  Nite nite from the freeze of Southern Maine.
 — starr

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