poetry critical : poem

Ecstasy

yjordan8

The bliss; I taste it.	1
Every breath, Every thought; I Embrace it	2
This Enchantment; the soul engulfs / heeds / harvests.	3

Mad foolish Love.	4
Live this joy!	5
Share this New World; our dreamland.	6
Brim-filled with Elation; all over.	7

My ultimate Heaven	8
Greatest rhapsody, boiling, Erupting.	9
Euphoria's main-stream flow.	10
This uphill head rush!	11
The rush, the run, the jump!	12

Devour this frenzy	13
...for soon its bygone.	14
Take not for granted; afresh- Embrace it,	15
Mother-Fucker! Embrace this new consciousness!	16

Our Hilarity's Asylum? Umbrella from hurt? In fact.	17
God's satisfaction; less surpassing; known by-Holy-far.	18
My contentedness, most deeply obtained!	19

Dark-to-dawn rejoice;	20
Mournfully ended this Last Heartbeat.	21
The black. The sad. The shallow. The hate...	22
Everlasting crave-	23
the URGE-	24
my sweet tooth-	25
Utmost desire to-	26
Relapse; Echo my yesterday-	27
God Damn It, just to fucking LIVE!	28

25 Jan 07

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.

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Comments:

Ooooh...a powerful and verbally delicious foray into the state of "E?"  I'm guessing.  I like it.  I also like the context in which you use the "F" word.  It works!  Good writing.  Good feeling.  Was only "ecstatic" once, but it was a great night.  That was back in '92.  I never felt so loved.  A suggestion though:  I would, perhaps expand upon some of the line breaks.  Is there a way you can format the poem to take on the shape of a gigantic "E?"  Food 4 (ecstatic) thought.  Peace.
— starr

Yes, been there, well written, starr's suggestion of making into a big "E " sounds interesting, are you gonna try that?
— marieF

Starr- Can you tell me what the state of E is without making me feel too stupid?

Suggestion: Seems the words are fueled plenty enough without the all caps.

It must only be me, but I've noticed quite a few poems with the word "bliss" in them since visiting and then joining this lot.  I'm not a fan of the word bliss or ecstasy for that matter because they are big dramatic space holders that tell the reader what to think rather than telling him.  Just my opinion.
Respectfully, till
— tillmorgan

Oops.  Tell the reader rather than showing is what I meant, of course.
— tillmorgan

The state of E - to be on ecstasy pills and feeling it big time.
— marieF

Okay, the state of ecstasy.  I think I get it.  It's been nice having this little chat with myself.  Unless this is a play on the drug of the same name, ecstasy sounds melodramatic.  Funny.
— tillmorgan

Okay, thanks marie.  Then my advice is to leave the word in the title and take itout of line 3.

It's only the first two stanzas I have quarrel with.
— tillmorgan

I chat to myself regularly.
— marieF

I love this piece, but I think the "F" word is over used, just my thought, I'm not a fan of using it personally, but it does work here.
— Unbelievable

Yes, I agree. To get the fullest effect from any strong word, you want to use it sparingly.
— tillmorgan

Hey tillmorgan!  I read it as the writer might have been "rolling on E"- yes, tripping on Ecstacy (the drug).  You're NOT stupid.  I never would have known until I tried it either.  That doesn't make one stupid at all.  You're okay in my book.  Innocence is a beautiful thing in my world.
— starr

thanks starr
It was a field of experience thing
Innocent, I am
— tillmorgan

thank you everybody, I'll definately give some of your suggestions a go
— yjordan8

Alright, I changed things a little bit. As for the suggestion of making it into an E; I really like the idea, but I tried and I can't make it work without ruining the flow of things. Thank you so much everybody!
— yjordan8

Oh...and just to make it clear; yes, this is, in fact, about the drug Ecstasy.
— yjordan8

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