poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Mmmm...You're so hard.
homeless

No one likes puzzles they can't solve.
 1
all your pieces, they threw,
 2
Scattered across the ocean
 3
Sunk to the bottom
 4
years ago
 5
 
 
No one likes puzzles they can't solve.
 6
 
 
Well, I could do anything.
 7
I'd dive right in.
 8
I could complete you
 9
but I don't know how to swim.
 10
I guess I can learn.
 11
 
 
Well, I could do anything.
 12
 
 
Maybe you could teach me
 13
If you weren't shattered,
 14
swallowed by the ocean
 15
Do you even care?
 16
I wish I didn't.
 17
 
 
Maybe you could teach me.
 18
 
 
No one else can
 19
That's why you lie where you do
 20
I hope you've realized by now
 21
I'm not anyone else.
 22
Let me put you together
 23
 
 
No one else can.
 24

25 Jan 07


(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

It took me a while to see this poem's structure. I like the way you've woven your thoughts and repeated the lines. It adds a musical touch to a more colloquial poem. I especially like lines 16-17 where you create a connection between the you and the I.
What I'd recommend to change is the "I can do anything"
first of all, the next line is in conditional so an "I could / would do anything" would fit better in terms of grammar but also, in my opinion, in content.
nice work!
 — sparrow

I think you're right. Thanks :]
 — homeless

JW would say, "dumb stuff."
 — unknown

oh.
 — unknown

Newest (expand)
  • torn
  • Dreams
  • Sore Arm
  • Most Beloved Platypus
  • quite
  • vale
  • i wanted to capture beatuy
  • interior design
  • Forests
  • Winter Eruption
  • Something to Remember You By
  • Fantasies of Discourse
  • a thought on a train
  • Inertia Man
  • fathers
Recently Commented (expand)
0.479s