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The sunset
kendell

glowing red
 1
in the bay
 2
windows
 3
briefly creates
 4
a Soho among
 5
the sea front
 6
houses.
 7

24 Jan 07


(define the words in this poem)
(9 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

this would make a fantastic haiku, don't you think?
Otherwise, if you choose to stick to the format as is, here are a couple of suggestions:

L1 - do you need the "the" in the beginning? You do not have "the" in the title and I am assuming you are referring to the same sunset.

sunset glowing
red
in bay windows

briefly creates
a Soho among
sea front houses

I want to add something else to that alone "red" but the aloneness is created also by my own tweeking of the poem.  Interesting, simple work, minimalist but as you can see, not minimalist enough for me.  I would do away with most definite and indefinite articles.

I hope this helps
Thank you for posting
Maria
 — slancho

thanks for your comments, I agree it needed some further trimming, but have kept the determiners as I didn't want it to become too generalised
 — kendell

I don't know if it's just my viewing upon it, but I rather like the fact that you don't include the word "sunset" again in your poem.  It's all up to you, of course.  I liked this.  Thanks for the read and take care!  Good jorb!  (;
 — ducktape

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