at the laundromat on army post road |
unknown
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an african american man
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1 |
with a leather chicago bears derby
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2 |
and three gaudy rings on his left hand
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3 |
he's telling me louisiana's where its at
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4 |
how he's getting together financing
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5 |
for a used bulldozer and a front end loader
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6 |
big money to be made on clean up
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7 |
government contracts up the ying yang
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8 |
he's going down there to make his fortune
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9 |
and if i want in
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10 |
all i have to say is jump
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11 |
your loss he says
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12 |
as he finishes his laundry and
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13 |
drives off in a beaten chevy cavalier
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14 |
leaving me wondering
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15 |
if the fresher hell
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16 |
is being saddled with the desire for money
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17 |
or flattened as i am
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18 |
by the numbness
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19 |
of wanting nothing.
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20 |
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24 Jan 07 |
Rated 8.3 (8) by 14 users.
Active (14): 1, 6, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 1, 3, 9, 9, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(5 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
i really love this, especially lines 15-20.
i personally like the lack of punctuation. it reads like a story randomly being told.
— rosemary
I love this poem for one reason alone. I have found that in poetry a lack of punctuation forces the reader first to narrate it themselves changing pauses and inflections as they see fit but it also touches them more where the need it rather than in a designated area of their life in this case my personal preferance will overshadow my judgment a perfect **********
— turtlepoet
i really like this
— SolCarloman
Awesome! Amazing, the poetry that comes from brief encounters (and rinse cycles) with strangers.
— starr
good poem, reads well, 16-20 is awesome
— gjenkins
good. nice, really.
— listen
this is pretty and poetic, lyrical... a musical song set in an exotic location, and with an appealing character. the beginning is beguiling... all the sounds splashing together emulsify my head and i go with you right where you want to put me.
the sentiment at the end is kind of just "wish i...", but i can let that pass because the ride on your v.w. bus was so cool.
the fresher hell is greedy for money,
like the coins in the dryer, drying my
desire into only sittin' here watching
cause i ain't never goin't to go.
thanks.
— mikebauer
I don't like it.
— unknown
Had to drop on by for another dose of this incredible poem. I just wanted to add that I LOVE the last two lines. They say so much in so little words. Good job. Ignore the haters. They're just jealous cuz they can't write as well as you do. The "10" rating still stands. Take care.
— starr
I miss my nihilism, now pressed as I am into the crispy folds of money lust.
Thanks for the reminder.
— aurelius
this was a good ride.
— jezkuh
Greta ending to a superb poem.
larry wild schemes lark
— larrylark
all,
thanks for reading,
and the comments.
justin.
— unknown
wow, this is really great! a real snapshot and very nicely written
I especially like the last four lines, they're strong and touching.
— sparrow
This is good stuff, but could do with a little punctuating. I pictured it. I felt like I could see the guy and smell the laundry. Ready my poem "Linens" some time and "smell the roses".
— aforbing
all,
thanks for reading.
justin hyde.
— unknown
The words are great, but the lack of punctuation is freaking with my head. But maybe that's good; maybe that's what you're looking for.
A good read, definitely worth having to piece it together.
-Z
— zack
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— unknown
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