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I so admire anyone who is able to use rhyme effectively. And you do here. Truly love the way the poem wells up.
Wonder if chuck would like better line 4's reading simply "erupt like light?" The dawn bit does ring just the sightest bit cliche. (Or perhaps there's been a few too many eruptions here on pc already-- though they nearly all suit me fine.)
It's lines 7 and 9 I think may need some additional consideration. Time flying deflates the ascent of a poem on its way up. And the whole of line 9 seems a bit clunky in syntax.