poetry critical

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It's time to rise. (sing silence)

Sing silence
ring against this night
Let your song
erupt like dawn light.
It's time to rise.
We will not stand by
while time flies.
We will not sit still
and wait for signs.
Let's bleed blood
bruise our marrow
beat our bones
today against tomorrow.
We are not our homes
we are not our cars
we are vessels of life
this world is ours.

24 Jan 07

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nice poem.
didn't care for
 — chuckles

I so admire anyone who is able to use rhyme effectively. And you do here.  Truly love the way the poem wells up.

Wonder if chuck would like better line 4's reading simply "erupt like light?" The dawn bit does ring just the sightest bit cliche. (Or perhaps there's been a few too many eruptions here on pc already-- though they nearly all suit me fine.)
It's lines 7 and 9 I think may need some additional consideration.  Time flying deflates the ascent of a poem on its way up.  And the whole of line 9 seems a bit clunky in syntax.
 — tillmorgan

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