poetry critical

online poetry workshop



It's time to rise. (sing silence)
rocket

Sing silence
 1
ring against this night
 2
Let your song
 3
erupt like dawn light.
 4
 
 
It's time to rise.
 5
 
 
We will not stand by
 6
while time flies.
 7
We will not sit still
 8
and wait for signs.
 9
 
 
Let's bleed blood
 10
bruise our marrow
 11
beat our bones
 12
today against tomorrow.
 13
 
 
We are not our homes
 14
we are not our cars
 15
we are vessels of life
 16
this world is ours.
 17

24 Jan 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(5 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

nice poem.
didn't care for
L4
L10
goodbye
 — chuckles

I so admire anyone who is able to use rhyme effectively. And you do here.  Truly love the way the poem wells up.

Wonder if chuck would like better line 4's reading simply "erupt like light?" The dawn bit does ring just the sightest bit cliche. (Or perhaps there's been a few too many eruptions here on pc already-- though they nearly all suit me fine.)
It's lines 7 and 9 I think may need some additional consideration.  Time flying deflates the ascent of a poem on its way up.  And the whole of line 9 seems a bit clunky in syntax.
Respectfully,
till
 — tillmorgan

Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
0.505s