poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Patty
George_Goat

Sliced and slaughtered,
 1
all in a row,
 2
herded to demise,
 3
Still they ask where they "go."
 4
 
 
Hockey pucks all raw and flushed,
 5
Pink, on top of each other,
 6
stuck.
 7
Things that had a life once upon a time.
 8
 
 
The flesh chars all the same in the flame.
 9
Was it a good steer who never did harm?
 10
A rough, wild calf, that broke some girl's arm?
 11
Consumed,
 12
Digested,
 13
shat,
 14
birthed,
 15
and eaten again.
 16
 
 
Amusingly I see this all,
 17
squashed in red and black,
 18
hat over sweating, itching head.
 19
Hair springs out like tufts of hay.
 20
During this daydreaming I singe my hand,
 21
and when looked down upon again,
 22
I realize what cannibals we are.
 23

"Moo."

23 Jan 07


(define the words in this poem)
(4 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Isn't cannibal someone who eats their own kind?  
 — unknown

Isn't an ignorant someone who shouldn't be critiquing on a poetry forum?

Learn metaphor, please.
 — unknown

quack.
 — ducktape

That doesn't change his point. Your metaphor doesn't quite fit. Be willing to accept that maybe you don't have the best word.
 — unknown

I was talking about consumerism, how in a way we sort of "consume" one another in the process of trying to reach the supposed "top." Oh well. I guess it wasn't right. It read alright to me. Maybe I'm just trying to delve in too deep without enough explanation?  :]
 — George_Goat

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