poetry critical

online poetry workshop



I will get a tattoo when I find the words
unknown

I will get a tattoo
 1
when I find words that define me
 2
 
 
when changing winds blow away
 3
the chaff
 4
and dry the oils of my canvas
 5
to reveal
 6
me.
 7

Thanks to musicwords


rocket - still pondering

20 Jan 07

Rated 8.4 (8.4) by 7 users.
Active (7): 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 10
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Interesting the way you say this. Often people want a tattoo because they can explain themselves in images. I don't think we're ever constant. I'm not who I was a year ago, and won't be who I am now in a year.

I think you've got a lot of extra words and line breaks that make this harder to read. Consider:

I will get a tattoo
when I find words that define me.

When changing winds
have blown away the chaff,
dried the oils of my canvas
and reveal only me.
 — rocket

right-o rocket!
 — unknown

don't like using me twice - i'll be changing that
 — unknown

Interesting. I am doing the same. I have long wanted to tattoo words onto myself because they mean the most to me, but I want it to be perfect.
 — sadie

Saw your post in the msg board.
pretty cool poem.
I like rocket's suggestion for the line breaks tho.
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

i've been thinking of getting a tattoo but i have no idea of what. is it because i want one or what to define something that i think is me. The more i tell ppl i want one they tell me  no or why? Yet i find there is meaning i just don't know what i would want. We all carry tattoos that are forever they are just not as noticable as ink. Passings, births, heartbreaks etc.
 — cindy28

Cindy, I got a tattoo about eight years ago. Almost everyone I knew at the time told me not to. It has a lot of meaning to me and I've never regretted it for a moment.

However, I see a lot of people with random or poorly done tattoos, and I pity them. You might get some ideas looking online at tattoo web sites, but be sure what you want before you get one, and pay someone good to do it.
 — rocket

and for gods sake dont put somebodys name on your body
 — unknown

This is very good!  I love the title, I love the short, crispness of the writing.  What a fun idea.
 — Isabelle5

If I get a tattoo, it will be black teardrop.
 — unknown

who ya gonna kill?
 — unknown

0.375s