poetry critical

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You broke the line,
there is no turning back.
I hope you feel constantly under attack.
You stupid bitch,
you fucking ruined my life.
How much I would love to stab you with a knife.
Saying I raped you,
bitch i only touched you.
My anger rages through
there is nothing you can do.
You broke the line,
the line that should never be passed
yet you walk right over and fucking trespass.
There's no escaping it,
my eyes have turned white.
When they turn white I wanna fight.
Saying you'll kill me,
that i'd like to see.
You and your mother fucking thug wannabes.
Ashes have fallen,
the Dark Phoenix is rising again.
Fuck authority, they won't be my friend.
Think you cornered me?
Fuck you haven't left a scratch.
Now i'm gunna make a new batch.
Saying you got killers, drug dealers, blood spillers.
I laugh at your attemps to darken my spirit,
my spirit is strong,
you better fucking fear it.
Think I'm scared of you.
I have looked at Lucifer in the eyes,
while he starts telling me why he's so wise.
You are nothing,
but a pawn in a really big game
and i'm about to hit the wall of fame.
You broke the line,
and i'm not even near done.
In my eyes this shit is just like fun.
There is only so much a man can take
before he blows his top
and pray to fucking god you are standing near a cop.

Hello, everybody, I don't really got much to say about this i'm to angry to even think. I just let the words flow coming and winding it's way into how it is written if you are offended by this than don't leave a comment frankly I don't care anymore.
Calder Bourque

20 Jan 07

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i thought the spirit of this was good however, the conveyance was sloppy, but its only slopy in the fact that you shouldnt have used rhyme, its forced; verse libre would have been better. also, the detail of what happened is vegue, but i suppose thats what anger does. :B all together i say its fine for internet reading, just lay off the rap for poetry.
 — MattPat

wow, i hope you feel better.  i'm sorry things aren't working out for you.  if you let go and let God, everything will be alright in the end.  the best of wishes and prayers to you.
 — ducktape

 — Phoenix567

i can tell you are angry, because it's unlike how you usually write.
 — ducktape

Yes ducktape i was after writing it though feels alot better lol
 — Phoenix567

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