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we'll survive
chuckles

The day has come when trees fall silent: birds, their nests, are still; the forest air hangs pale and stale and lifeless in the chill; when nature's colours fade to gray, the light has lost its will.
 1
 
 
The time has come when mist exists at mouths and only then; when night recalls the morn with scorn and shuns all stirring men. The day is sleeping, weeping, waiting to awake again.
 2
 
 
The friendly hiss and gentleness of light from burning wood, upon the hearth, dispels the dearth of winter as it should; so spare the air, lest flames consume them- selves, as fire could.
 3
 
 
O weary earth, your girth is strict beneath our frozen feet. We wait until your rest abates, in time returning heat; from life to death, to rushing breath of spring, you'll be complete.
 4

18 Jan 07

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Comments:

this is a beautiful piece of work. I love the images you conjure and the perfect rhythm and flow of the poem. Your line breaks are original and really add to everything. Great job!
 — sparrow

you are too kind, sparrow.
i shall dutifully comment one of your poems.
which one ?
 — unknown

birds, their nests?  Can you put some space between silent and birds?  Birds and their nests, birds in their nests?  

Line 2 - drop the comma after mouths.
Line 3 - drop the comma after wood, add one after should and change So to so.

I find this to be amazing writing, with a built-in cadence that feels exactly as it should for the content.

The line formatting isn't well pleasing on the page but the wording - just beautiful.
 — Isabelle5

Oh, rats, you're shy.
 — Isabelle5

this is so good, so beautiful!
My ONLY stumble is "waiting to awake again".  It's a bit hard on the lips, no?
How did you get those perfect line breaks?  (an even 4, I think it's awesome).
I'm getting a feeling from this but I could be wrong, so all I'm going to say is:
no matter what happens, we'll survive...
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

punctuation edits
thx Isabelle5
yes, it is supposed to be birds (and) their nests- but as you say
cadence
rhythm
is of the highest import here.
the format shouldn't matter
the flow should be felt on the strength
and sound of the words
i
think
 — unknown

It's nice to think that the words can stand alone, isn't it?  The truth is that impressions do count and making the format pretty sets up the reader to like the poem.  There is always psychology involved when you deal with humans.
 — Isabelle5

i knew it!
 — unknown

oooooooooh!
 — ducktape

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