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In some ways
The visit went well
The warm embrace of family
The reality in which I was raised
The reality I once accepted
That is what life was
The same old faces
With different expressions
So few are the genuine
The true smiles
The warm
The family
The others
Those people
I am nothing to them
There were few surprises
I was surprised to find
Some so angry
Or hurt
For no real reason
Apparant to me
The longer I stayed
Back home
The more I wanted to go
Back to my home
To the reality I've created for myself
Over time
Inventing the ground beneath my feet
Choosing my family
So true
I can never go home
I have to create it
There is no one to hold a torch
But me

16 Jan 07

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A good subject for a poem, and you've got some good ideas in it. However, you're telling the reader everything.

Better to show the reader the visit. Provide the details that convey the meaning, instead of stating it directly.

The form doesn't fit the content. Better to have a separate stanza for each different idea.
 — rocket

Thanks for the constructive crit rocket.

I kind of deliberately told the reader "everything."  The source of this is, in a way, a matter of fact reflection of exactly how I feel.  It is what it is because it could be no other way.  That is how I felt so that is how it came out, devoid of form.

I do really feel that the form does fit the content for the simple fact that it is my style.  I write as it comes, with or without form.  I guess form depends on what ones intentions are trying to convey.

I also feel that more poetry should be "matter of fact" for the simple belief that poetry exists to simplify existance in a complex world.  Why would we need poetry to hide anything?
 — smileforme

Its Ok, but is apretty obvious take on the theme of family. I was waiting to hear something revalatory but it never arrived.

 — larrylark