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My Soul Is On Fire
dreamergirl

I heard a man on the radio
 1
his words were like fire
 2
set to a liquid beat.
 3
His dragon voice
 4
filled my ears and conquered me
 5
I was left scorched,
 6
charred and empty
 7
yet strangely full.
 8
I felt complete
 9
I wanted to meet him
 10
I wanted to know him
 11
but what I really wanted
 12
was to be him
 13
trying to spread his flaming words
 14
was more important.
 15
I would spread them
 16
until the world was on fire.
 17

15 Jan 07


(define the words in this poem)
(3 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

well then, fly it back in and do some editing.
don't need to justify anything by adding a footnote.

the repeat of the word fire within the first two lines isn't working. your soul is on fire and his words were like fire.... mmm...
line 14 is inconsequential. and line 15 isn't doing anything at all.
line 18, i'm guessing you were going for 'world' instead of 'word'?

not in a great mood, so excuse the curtness.
more importantly, i don't get the message of this piece at all.
 — varun

Thank you very much for the comment! I've excused the curtness, and I love the first part of the comment. You're absolutely right about everything and word was actually supposed to be world. I just wrote it about an artist I like, K-os. Many people have negative opinions about him, but I don't care and I've probably heard them all.
thanks again
 — dreamergirl

Still not sure about 14 and 15
 — dreamergirl

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