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Combating a Whirlpool of Cliches

We once bathed on the moon
Me and you in a crater
The lukewarm water filled with gems and musk salt
The color of your eyes
The crisp sound of your fingers
Plunging into the water
Kept us alive
On the stone planet we worshipped
I painted the shadow your right shoulder blade
Left behind,
With frosted love that I kept
For those ‘special’ moments.
You turned around to love me
And your gaze
Like freshness
Baptized me
You looked so beautiful
Wrapped in that blue vapor blanket
With the stars’ shadows painting your skin
With silver white silhouettes
And once you unwrapped yourself
You sat naked on the crater edge,
Legs dangling,
As though you were five
My eyes devoured
The outlines I knew so well
And fell in love again
In love with the child playing in your mind
In love with the emaciated man that haunts your saddened eyes
In love with the lover that stands
In announcement of his manhood.
After we dried off each other’s bodies,
You sucked out my spirit
And made love to it
On a sea of marbles
Each defiantly containing
The words I could never find .
Words for each time I wanted to say “I love you”
Without the cliché.

4 Jan 07

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the last line left me wanting to know more like the end of a good book or movie!
 — crismonblue

how cliche
 — jezkuh

trying to get beyond language to some pristine experience and authenticity is v difficult and smeared by the medium.

bjs are v important to avoid this.
 — unknown

Very original, apt title as well. The setting you've invented to describe this scene is fantastic.

Everything moves along marvelously until the stanza starting on line 28. I would revise to remove the repeats of "in love".
 — rocket

thanks rocket, i will definitely take your point into account.
cris- thanks for the ego boost :)
jezkuh- i am so sorry
unknown- bjs are always good
 — modern_nomad

I liked this a lot.

But I am in love with love today, so it's hardly suprising.
 — seventytimes