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my first good ass kicking
unknown

on my bicycle
 1
in the middle
 2
of the night
 3
with the
 4
headphones
 5
blaring.
 6
 
 
i hit
 7
a red.
 8
 
 
a car
 9
honks
 10
behind me.
 11
 
 
some drunk seniors
 12
flipping me off,
 13
yelling
 14
get off the road
 15
fag!
 16
 
 
i don't know
 17
if its because
 18
metallica's
 19
enter sandman is on
 20
or what, but
 21
i flip them off
 22
and
 23
growl
 24
fuck you!
 25
 
 
it flashes
 26
green.
 27
 
 
i
 28
sprint.
 29
 
 
they
 30
follow.
 31
 
 
i jump
 32
the curb and
 33
gun it
 34
into a
 35
neighborhood.
 36
 
 
they
 37
run me
 38
down.
 39
 
 
i dump it
 40
in a
 41
driveway.
 42
 
 
heath klatt
 43
barrels out.
 44
 
 
i execute
 45
a spinning
 46
roundhouse
 47
from my
 48
youth
 49
tae kwon do
 50
days
 51
and
 52
 
 
miss
 53
by a mile.
 54
 
 
his fists
 55
jack my face
 56
like a hundred
 57
hell-bent hammers
 58
until some chick
 59
in the backseat
 60
pleads
 61
stop!
 62
 
 
they burn
 63
rubber.
 64
 
 
i coast home
 65
with the taste
 66
of blood
 67
down the back
 68
of my throat
 69
 
 
and
 70
 
 
renew my vow
 71
to swear off
 72
people
 73
for good.
 74

30 Dec 06

Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 6 users.
Active (6): 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

yeh i like this - it has resonance
 — Mongrol

excellent thought. this is kind of an essay though, and when you do the evasion i feel the poetry in this, but you flatten the impact, elsewhere, by keeping the rhythm so even... "duh, duh, duh, duh"... the music in your earphone could tell you the rhythms you could use... the transitions, that is, and not just the flashes.
 — mikebauer

mongrol,
mike,

hello:

thanks for reading.

mike,

i see your point, the need for a change in rhythm...

justin hyde
 — unknown

the taste of blood in your throat is a good taste.
in your lifetime sometimes the taste will be your own blood and sometimes iwhen you get lucky
it will be some other mother's blood.  A good ass kicking keeps you on the path to manhood.

you are lucky.

now I have to agree with mb about the poem.  But perhaps changing the structure a bit will remedy.  instead of the long thin column - try it in a paragraph form. maybe no punc.

I still give you an 8
 — unknown

This has real feel and an authentic voice.
 — larrylark

Those last 4 lines are wonderful. This humored me.
 — SarahMichele

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