poetry critical

online poetry workshop



eye coo
unknown

gazing through a crowd
 1
lashes flutter, cheeks redden-
 2
she's reading my mind.
 3

28 Dec 06

Rated 9.1 (8.4) by 11 users.
Active (11): 2, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 3, 7

(define the words in this poem)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

loved it when i first read it.
how come you reposted it?
 — varun

that's why...
 — unknown

i'm seeing this as the narrator's watching the someone, and both with suddenly reddening cheeks as they see each other. that's the reportage aspect. and i'm reading it as the narrator's sweet natural observation that he/she is looking at someone who's looking like his/her emotions. the double level is intentional? if not, then this is a found poem, so to speak. an oracle? and too, the part i didn't get, what is it?
 — mikebauer

by the way, i forgot to say how much i like the word sound in this and the way you've stacked multi-syllable words in the middle.

mike
 — mikebauer

I liked it also but reposting just to get back pats. not cool man
 — unknown

I liked it also but reposting just to get back pats. not cool man
— unknown

moods and style change and maybe it's ok to repost because you think you'll get a better critique... that people will look at it more carefully, and that maybe the mood is more towards poetry than happy-happy in the after xmas season? i hadn't seen it, so i vote yes on the question.
 — mikebauer

I love it
 — turtlepoet

  i don 't give a fuck about "back pats".
i should never have deleted this in the first place, and then i really regretted
it after, because i enjoyed looking at it from time to time.
sorry kreskin.
 — unknown

Give us your name stranger, this was a pleasure to read.
 — DeathShards

Ah. This is so nice. Not quite haiku, not quite senryu, most definitely eye coo. Well done.
 — wendz

still good !
 — trochee

there she goes. there she goes again...
 — mikebauer

how delightfully creepy.
 — SenorSin

love it!!!!!!
 — modern_nomad

Oh, didn't you cut this way, way down?  It's still interesting and I still don't think the word gazing works with through.  hahaha
 — Isabelle5

the shortness of the poem leaves the matter very ambiguous, which i like. It's like those modern art painting that are all black with a square of colour
 — crismonblue

clever... clever... clever.


:))
 — misspanda

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