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whisper back to me
pranav86

I live in pieces  
 1
since you been gone,
 2
I map your tracks  
 3
and kiss your air,  
 4
search in mirrors  
 5
for your hidden face,  
 6
listening to your  
 7
dampened voice  
 8
in old recordings-
 9
and whisper to you.  
 10
    
 11
I hope you whisper back;  
 12
some day
 13

26 Dec 06

Rated 8.3 (8.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 9
Inactive (0):

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(14 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

I really like this.  Read the rest of your stuff and like the delicate and colorful descriptions and the fragility with which you handle subtle emotions.  I'll keep watching for your stuff.
 — unknown

Hey, thanks for the positive comment. I am pretty new to writing poems, thanks for the encouraging words.
 — pranav86

You're welcome.  I'm glad you're encouraged, because I think you should definitely keep writing.  Good luck.
 — unknown

very sweet, althouigh i have a problem with 'map your tracks', 'kiss your air',  'dampened voice'. they're too abstract.
 — unknown

I dont know, how to make them more obvious then. can you suggest a way, and thanks!
 — unknown

Nice, sweet and sad.
 — unknown

Very much enjoyed.  
 — Isabelle5

nice. a better ending would make this memorable.


st3ntorian
 — unknown

my only suggestion is that, personally, i feel that the semi-colon in line 12 should be replaced with another form of puncuation. but then again, it's just me. i love you line "[I map your tracks]    
and kiss your air, "
well done. rock on.  
 — lanezfairy

this was a tricky poem to understand the hidden message, but i now realise the poem is about a microwave, great work keep it up
 — unknown

Thought this was very well done, I'm not sure of 12 & 13 but everything else works very well for me.
 — skinnyJon

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