poetry critical

online poetry workshop

whisper back to me

I live in pieces  
since you been gone,
I map your tracks  
and kiss your air,  
search in mirrors  
for your hidden face,  
listening to your  
dampened voice  
in old recordings-
and whisper to you.  
I hope you whisper back;  
some day

26 Dec 06

Rated 8.3 (8.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 9
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(14 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


I really like this.  Read the rest of your stuff and like the delicate and colorful descriptions and the fragility with which you handle subtle emotions.  I'll keep watching for your stuff.
 — unknown

Hey, thanks for the positive comment. I am pretty new to writing poems, thanks for the encouraging words.
 — pranav86

You're welcome.  I'm glad you're encouraged, because I think you should definitely keep writing.  Good luck.
 — unknown

very sweet, althouigh i have a problem with 'map your tracks', 'kiss your air',  'dampened voice'. they're too abstract.
 — unknown

I dont know, how to make them more obvious then. can you suggest a way, and thanks!
 — unknown

Nice, sweet and sad.
 — unknown

Very much enjoyed.  
 — Isabelle5

nice. a better ending would make this memorable.

 — unknown

my only suggestion is that, personally, i feel that the semi-colon in line 12 should be replaced with another form of puncuation. but then again, it's just me. i love you line "[I map your tracks]    
and kiss your air, "
well done. rock on.  
 — lanezfairy

this was a tricky poem to understand the hidden message, but i now realise the poem is about a microwave, great work keep it up
 — unknown

Thought this was very well done, I'm not sure of 12 & 13 but everything else works very well for me.
 — skinnyJon