poetry critical

online poetry workshop


The cheery little pal
told Hal
that he needed to calm down.
The message was obvious, the yap,
but in a state of rage such ease of notice
can go undetected.
The puppy had seen the girl before,
recognized by smell,
and when she slapped his master
Fido almost panicked.
But lucky for Hal
his pal was quick to see that hell
would go unleashed on the cheeks of the gal
if the meeting wasn't bitten two,
so in all desperation
Fido chewed what his master had forbidden
and the girl was spared.

22 Dec 06

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this poem is stupid. but i need some suggestions to rewrite this so it is a better circumstance of loyalty without just spelling the obvious. if anything it is a boring story.
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