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Untitled #2
philoanon

I remember when life was a child
 1
   and her idea was,
 2
                  Flawless.
 3
 
 
I remember when failure was a game
 4
   all new things,
 5
                  Played.
 6
 
 
I remember when the future
 7
was less impulsive.
 8
 
 
And dawn,
 9
on her very first day.
 10

28 Nov 06

Rated 7 (7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 8
Inactive (0): 7

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

I remember when the futire
was the past
 — unknown

simply beautiful
 — jesusgun

Unknowns got a good memory.
Cheers Jesus.
 — philoanon

i really like lines 7-10.
i actually think that the poem would be better without line 3 and 6, they seem a little out of place... they are too punctual in their positioning for this poem. but nice job.
 — topop

i like everything but 'the' in line 5

the poem swings nicely
 — bettalpha

Thanks, i think your right about the "the" line 5 so i changed it. Thanks
 — philoanon

hey you should try this as Hokku:

dawn, her very first day
I remember, life was a child
her idea was flawless

I like it either way though, one more for the jewellery store.

Life is like the rings of a tree,
there are good years and bad years
but ultimately there is growth
 — SolCarloman

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