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on my way to a bike race in colorado springs
fdostoev

the hitchhiker
 1
sat indian style
 2
on the highway shoulder
 3
outside of ogallala
 4
nebraska,
 5
 
 
said
 6
she was headed
 7
for los angeles
 8
to find her sister,
 9
 
 
did i have any smoke?
 10
or some pills? even just
 11
an aspirin?
 12
 
 
she fidgeted
 13
with my radio dial
 14
and tapped her fingernails
 15
against her teeth,
 16
 
 
said her name was fox
 17
she'd been living
 18
at some commune in
 19
flint michigan but
 20
things got heavy,
 21
 
 
she was going
 22
to open a boutique
 23
with her sister.
 24
 
 
somewhere past
 25
the colorado line
 26
her left hand
 27
came to rest
 28
on my thigh,
 29
 
 
three green dots
 30
were tattooed
 31
on the pouch of skin
 32
between her thumb
 33
and index finger,
 34
 
 
she leaned her head
 35
against my shoulder
 36
and slid her hand
 37
down my pants,
 38
 
 
you don't
 39
have to.
 40
 
 
don't you think
 41
i'm pretty?
 42
 
 
its not that,
 43
i just, i
 44
didn't give you a ride
 45
expecting
 46
something back.
 47
 
 
suit yourself,
 48
she sat up
 49
leaned her elbows on the dash
 50
blew condensation
 51
onto the windshield
 52
and played a game of
 53
tic-tac-toe against
 54
herself.
 55
 
 
we stopped for gas
 56
outside denver,
 57
 
 
i stood in line
 58
at the cash register
 59
and watched her
 60
talk up a trucker
 61
at the diesel pump,
 62
 
 
she grabbed her backpack
 63
out of my car
 64
flashed me thumbs up
 65
through the store window
 66
and disappeared
 67
the way we’d come.
 68

18 Nov 06

Rated 9.2 (8.3) by 8 users.
Active (8): 1, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 3, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(87 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

hm. that's a really good, very sad story.  i saw it several times before i read it.  the title wasn't nearly as interesting as the poem.  i give it an 8, though i don't know what i'd do to make it better.
 — balancing

I enjoyed this poem and found the title intriguing. Perhaps lines 21-23 could be:

she was going
to open a boutique
with her sister

to avoid repeating 'her' and have stronger line endings. Oh and should be 'too' in line 20. I really enjoy your style.
 — kendell

balancing,
kendell,

hello,

thanks for reading,

kendell:  i like your take on that line,

justin.
 — unknown

you are not a fucking poet fdost, you suck!

meep!
 — unknown

whoever rated this 10 needs a kick to the nuts...
 — jjjjhyde

a short story with line breaks . . .
 — unknown

Not Bad
 — unknown

what a shady lady.
i like the story, well done and well developed.

much love all around.
 — SweetPain

nice poem.
 — hank

easy on the emotions, man. i really like this, you did such a good job at characterization in such few fragile lines ... i just mean, fragile in a way of eloquence. but, that doesn't mean you don't take this matter seriously.
 — listen

Ttite, thats my only gripe. Otherwise I like the realism. Nice.
 — Andramelach

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