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on my way to a bike race in colorado springs

the hitchhiker
sat indian style
on the highway shoulder
outside of ogallala
she was headed
for los angeles
to find her sister,
did i have any smoke?
or some pills? even just
an aspirin?
she fidgeted
with my radio dial
and tapped her fingernails
against her teeth,
said her name was fox
she'd been living
at some commune in
flint michigan but
things got heavy,
she was going
to open a boutique
with her sister.
somewhere past
the colorado line
her left hand
came to rest
on my thigh,
three green dots
were tattooed
on the pouch of skin
between her thumb
and index finger,
she leaned her head
against my shoulder
and slid her hand
down my pants,
you don't
have to.
don't you think
i'm pretty?
its not that,
i just, i
didn't give you a ride
something back.
suit yourself,
she sat up
leaned her elbows on the dash
blew condensation
onto the windshield
and played a game of
tic-tac-toe against
we stopped for gas
outside denver,
i stood in line
at the cash register
and watched her
talk up a trucker
at the diesel pump,
she grabbed her backpack
out of my car
flashed me thumbs up
through the store window
and disappeared
the way we’d come.

18 Nov 06

Rated 9.2 (8.3) by 8 users.
Active (8): 1, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 3, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(87 more poems by this author)

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hm. that's a really good, very sad story.  i saw it several times before i read it.  the title wasn't nearly as interesting as the poem.  i give it an 8, though i don't know what i'd do to make it better.
 — balancing

I enjoyed this poem and found the title intriguing. Perhaps lines 21-23 could be:

she was going
to open a boutique
with her sister

to avoid repeating 'her' and have stronger line endings. Oh and should be 'too' in line 20. I really enjoy your style.
 — kendell



thanks for reading,

kendell:  i like your take on that line,

 — unknown

you are not a fucking poet fdost, you suck!

 — unknown

whoever rated this 10 needs a kick to the nuts...
 — jjjjhyde

a short story with line breaks . . .
 — unknown

Not Bad
 — unknown

what a shady lady.
i like the story, well done and well developed.

much love all around.
 — SweetPain

nice poem.
 — hank

easy on the emotions, man. i really like this, you did such a good job at characterization in such few fragile lines ... i just mean, fragile in a way of eloquence. but, that doesn't mean you don't take this matter seriously.
 — listen

Ttite, thats my only gripe. Otherwise I like the realism. Nice.
 — Andramelach

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