on my way to a bike race in colorado springs |
fdostoev
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the hitchhiker
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1 |
sat indian style
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2 |
on the highway shoulder
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3 |
outside of ogallala
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4 |
nebraska,
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5 |
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said
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6 |
she was headed
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7 |
for los angeles
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8 |
to find her sister,
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9 |
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did i have any smoke?
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10 |
or some pills? even just
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11 |
an aspirin?
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12 |
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she fidgeted
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13 |
with my radio dial
|
14 |
and tapped her fingernails
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15 |
against her teeth,
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16 |
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said her name was fox
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17 |
she'd been living
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18 |
at some commune in
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19 |
flint michigan but
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20 |
things got heavy,
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21 |
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she was going
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22 |
to open a boutique
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23 |
with her sister.
|
24 |
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somewhere past
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25 |
the colorado line
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26 |
her left hand
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27 |
came to rest
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28 |
on my thigh,
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29 |
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three green dots
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30 |
were tattooed
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31 |
on the pouch of skin
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32 |
between her thumb
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33 |
and index finger,
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34 |
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she leaned her head
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35 |
against my shoulder
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36 |
and slid her hand
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37 |
down my pants,
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38 |
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you don't
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39 |
have to.
|
40 |
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don't you think
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41 |
i'm pretty?
|
42 |
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its not that,
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43 |
i just, i
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44 |
didn't give you a ride
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45 |
expecting
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46 |
something back.
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47 |
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suit yourself,
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48 |
she sat up
|
49 |
leaned her elbows on the dash
|
50 |
blew condensation
|
51 |
onto the windshield
|
52 |
and played a game of
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53 |
tic-tac-toe against
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54 |
herself.
|
55 |
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we stopped for gas
|
56 |
outside denver,
|
57 |
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i stood in line
|
58 |
at the cash register
|
59 |
and watched her
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60 |
talk up a trucker
|
61 |
at the diesel pump,
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62 |
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she grabbed her backpack
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63 |
out of my car
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64 |
flashed me thumbs up
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65 |
through the store window
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66 |
and disappeared
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67 |
the way we’d come.
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68 |
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18 Nov 06 |
Rated 9.2 (8.3) by 8 users.
Active (8): 1, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 3, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(87 more poems by this author)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
hm. that's a really good, very sad story. i saw it several times before i read it. the title wasn't nearly as interesting as the poem. i give it an 8, though i don't know what i'd do to make it better.
— balancing
I enjoyed this poem and found the title intriguing. Perhaps lines 21-23 could be:
she was going
to open a boutique
with her sister
to avoid repeating 'her' and have stronger line endings. Oh and should be 'too' in line 20. I really enjoy your style.
— kendell
balancing,
kendell,
hello,
thanks for reading,
kendell: i like your take on that line,
justin.
— unknown
you are not a fucking poet fdost, you suck!
meep!
— unknown
whoever rated this 10 needs a kick to the nuts...
— jjjjhyde
a short story with line breaks . . .
— unknown
Not Bad
— unknown
what a shady lady.
i like the story, well done and well developed.
much love all around.
— SweetPain
nice poem.
— hank
easy on the emotions, man. i really like this, you did such a good job at characterization in such few fragile lines ... i just mean, fragile in a way of eloquence. but, that doesn't mean you don't take this matter seriously.
— listen
Ttite, thats my only gripe. Otherwise I like the realism. Nice.
— Andramelach
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