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A walk under the willow tree -
a crucifix from you to me
which I'll hang myself from
after my hell of a run
when the light that you bought
is drowned out by the sun.
Sleeping sad; fucked
in wet, rotted sheets.
It's a shot in the dark
just to shoot at the breeze.
To fight for love or fight for fun?
This trash-breeding town balls both into one.

2 Nov 06

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 9
Inactive (2): 7, 9

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good poem. bad title.
 — Artemis

strange familiarity.
 — unknown

i agree about the title...
i did some nifty damage to myself with a blade many different times
years ago. it had nothing to do with "attention".
it (for me- as i learned later when i'd matured) was a method of trying to control-
to get what i wanted.
that's why your title stinks
 — unknown

I agree that the title is pretty awful, too. I'll work on coming up with something better.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that more people have cut themselves than you. I'm also going to assume that at least one of those people had done it for attention. If this offends you, realize that it's not meant to. It's not directed towards you.
 — lieskilllies

the title isn't bad. some (most) people do cut themselves for attention.

but the poem depressed me; isn't it sad that people talk and talk and never listen? you know maybe we're all sort of sad about the same damned things.

haven't you just gotten attention in the same way in the end? i think this needs a sense of humor.

or maybe it had one, and i didn't get it.

but the funny thing is, everyone thinks tragedy is so poetic and noble, but really it's not. what's poetic is seeing beyond it. what's poetic is looking at the sun setting and maybe some people you hate and discovering that you're not going to let them change you into something else. or realizing that sometimes going on is all you can do. or realizing that the world is really pretty nice and all the time you were acting tragic, you were just burning your bridges anyway.

i really think that people just don't know that. i really think that people should just say what they mean, but say it the nice way, and slowly they'll stop having bad things to say. and when they do, i think that they ought to see it with a sense of humor, and not be so mean to themselves.
 — unknown

The title sucks. The poem, I like.

In line 12, can you cut the word "just" out? I think that'll make it flow better.
 — Erowen

yeppers, get rid of "just" in L12
and work on a title change...it'll come to you.
I think most cutters cry out for attention, and most won't or aren't able to admit it because it has such weak, egotistical and immature implications.  Control, sympathy, whatever...it's all attention seeking, but it's sad.  People take these behaviours less seriously when they label it "attention seeking".  
This is a good poem (9).
and wow, this poem is generating a lot of comments eh?!
 — jenakajoffer

Again, like everyone else, I don't like the title.
& as to the attention thing, yes that is the reason for some people who cut, but for others it's a way of coping. Letting you're problems flow through you in a very literal sense. It gives adrenaline which makes you feel better.
so anyways.
I really do like the poem a lot.
 — unknown

The whole thing is a ball of humor, or I meant it to be. And you've got some good points, unknown.
Thanks for the kind words and constructive critiscism. I'll work on it.
 — lieskilllies

i AGREE WITH TITLE! But I have also cut myself when i was 10yrs old. It had to do with how people labled me and how people talked about me. i have low self esteem and people talk about how i treated myself. They act like im not even there. But the poem is good.
 — unknown

this poem is true and i really agree
love kenyatta
 — unknown

Great and thanks.
 — lieskilllies

ballsy, brilliant. i just have to give this a good rating.
 — lanezfairy

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