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A Dedication to Edgar Allan and Po

There were Edgar Allan and Po
at the soriee Wednesday night.
I remember these two members
for they really weren't polite.
While the one was quite poetic
he had let his bird take flight,
until on the bust of Pallas
it had left some streaks of white.
I'd assume each have a phallus,
though young Po's was on his head
which was really quite peculiar
for it was erect and red.
And his stomach had no navel
but a telly there instead,
which I'd noted, for he's naked
unlike Edgar, who's now dead.

RIP= Rest in Peace
YTD= Yet to Die

24 Oct 06

Rated 3.3 (3.7) by 11 users.
Active (11): 1, 1, 2, 3, 3, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10
Inactive (6): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 9, 10

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telly and it needs punctuation .
 — unknown

Thank you for the constuctive criticism unknown. I think it made my poem a bit more powerful.
 — Henry

Your syntax is tortured (apparently) for the sake of amateurish rhymes.  

Many beginning writers think it's cool to do away with punctuation.  It's not, in most cases.  Eschew punctuation only to strengthen your point; it doesn't do that here.

Perhaps you are going for humor...  I only find absurdity.  Maybe it's just me.
 — unknown

You must've been putting in your punctuation while I was writing my comments.
 — unknown

I really liked this poem.  It has a nursery rhyme feel to it and some fun imagery. I think it's quite smart.  Thumbs up!
 — Patrick

a nursery rhyme that includes the word phallus? odd indeed.

it makes no sense to me. and this isn't at all in the style of Poe.
 — unknown

Fuck I miss Ersaph.

And try a spellcheck idiot.  
 — unknown

It has a nursery rhyme FEEL to it.  I'm not suggesting you read it to a kid.  Henry, I liked your poem.  It's funny.    
 — Patrick

You are aware that it's Edgar Allan not Allen right?  

Your rhyme scheme is vexing.  The ends of line 4 and 8 both make me stop and shake my head because of the fact that you're sacraficing diction and logical flow to fit your nursery rhyme-esque rhyme scheme.  

Line 8:  What's the point in this?  The likeness of Pallas and pallid are appealing as is the reference to "The Raven," but this just appears trite.  

Line 9: What?  You begin this with the word "though" as if this is some logical transition.  Believe me it's not.  The verb tenses here are a bit skewed as I discuss below:

Line 10 on: If Mr Poe is still alive as you point out then you are using the wrong tense because presumably he still has a "phallus" on his head, his stomach still lacks a navel, etc.

Line 15:  Annoying is a weakly used word.  

Line 16: Subjunctive case, were now dead.

I thought this was going to be some analysis of the two sides of Poe, you know the man who wrote detective stories as the celebration of sanity and logic and the man that was obsessed with insanity.  You took it down a rather cheesy route.  I guess you have the right to do so, but I don't see why if the subject matter is not serious you would want to post it for critique.  The whole thing to me was trite and not what I expected to read judging by your title.
 — Resonanz

Henry just got well and truly done over.
 — unknown

I liked it, a lot. It's Dr. Seuss meets Mr. Poe's cock. I found it funny.

If critiques were this harsh toward everyone's poetry, nobody would post!

>   Why should someone think you should post only serious writing for critique? Is that the rules here? I post fun things. I hope they don't tear mine down.

Let's talk syllables. 8,7,8,7,8,7,8,7,8,7,8,7,8,7,9,7. Why the 9 in L15?
 — NeighborDi

This was too obscure...sorry...I mean Poe the tellietubbie. Take a look at him and my description of him fits well too.
 — Henry

I reworked this Resonaz. I think you were very helpful. Thank you for your critique. Please consider a higher rating because I edited it and made it a ton better.

And thank you too Patrick and Neighbor Di for liking it as much as you did. You took the poem for what it was worth. I will now read and rate all of your poems. Both of you. Thanks.
 — Henry

Henry Gibson was a better poet, sometimes he was funny.
 — unknown

Sometimes. He was a good guy. Short though. I like his name.  Good in Charolette's web.
 — Henry

I found this poem both inspiring and uplifting. I will probably read it at my church poetry reading club. I'm sure they will love it like the other members of this site.
 — Borat

Ha ha!! That's brilliant! I hadn't caught the teletubby reference the first few times I read it. I liked it because I liked the cadence, the feel and the rhyme and some of the humourous images. This just makes me appreciate your poem even more.  
 — Patrick

Well it amused me, Henry. For the most part the rhymes weren't too forced. There's a nice gamboling rhythm here.

As one of the only people who knows what a Teletubby is, it seems, I get your joke. Sadly, the Teletubby's name is spelt 'Po', so for me, this would work better read aloud.

Best wishes,

 — musicwords

.. the funniest part is that Mr. poetry snob Unknown (near the top of the comments) say "It isn't at all is the style of Poe".  Ha! ha! He was dead wrong.  He never asked to which "Poe" Henry was referring.  
 — Patrick

Patrick is Henry

Borat is Henry

Maximilian is Henry

Probably others are Henry as well.  Many arms with which to pat himself on the back.

I will not bother to crit the poem, as is obvious that Henry does not consider constructive criticism.
 — unknown

Is it possible that unknown is also Henry? Maybe we are ALL Henry and we are just in denial.  Or maybe unkown is actually George W. Bush who is trying to kill time. The "you're with me or you're against me" attitude is what gave it away.  I like Henry's poems.  I'm okay with that.
 — Patrick

It's called Po not Poe.
 — unknown

 — unknown

That would make me Henry too. I'll have to change my name to NeighborHenry.

It's smoother now. It's all 8 syll/7 syll lines. You decided against keeping the extra syllable in line 15 when you rewrote it. I like noted and naked in the same line.

Knowing it refers to a teletubby didn't add or take away from it, except to think you didn't come up with the crazy idea of a television for a navel all by yourself.
 — NeighborDi

Rhyme crits based on syllable counts alone count for little when stress isn't taken into account, as well as phrasing.
 — unknown

Rafter knows.
 — unknown

Only if the user has a static IP. :D
 — unknown

>>I will not bother to crit the poem, as is obvious that Henry does not consider >>constructive criticism.

How is that true if I changed my poem willingly when my errors were pointed out? I took the suggestions. So you unknown be quiet! You don't know what you're talking about at all. So now you can rate and comment on my poem. Thank you. And NeighborDi, Patrick and MusicWords thank you. Thank you very much. Every poem you write, I will comment on near immediatly. Musicwords, I'll have all yours commented on by Friday night. You three are good poets.
 — Henry

You're good Patrick. Very good. You will go far on this site I know. Resonaz does seem snobby and so do some of the unknowns. I applaud you.

Darn. I didn't know Po was spelled that way. Thank you NeighborDi. Wouldn't ya like to be...*changes his shoes* my neighbor!

Well, I guess I'll recite this poem to people instead of letting them read it. Thank you musicwords. I'm glad you approved of the rhyme too. I tried to make it seem less forced. You three are the best!
 — Henry

It just doesn't read right, sorry.. I just didn't like it.
 — unknown

Sorry...poems don't read themselves. That'd be nice and blind-person friendly (not blind and deaf person friendly, but blind at least) but that's not how the site works. Maybe you just didn't read it correctly. Maybe that was the issue. If you have some suggestion, please suggest them.
 — Henry

If you give me your phone number, I'll call and and read it to you unknown. Then we'll see if it still reads poorly. Or, if you give me your cellphone number, I can call you after 9 for free and I can read you all my poems. And everytime I write a new one, I'll give you a ring. How's that sound?
 — Henry

If you like...I can send you the Henry the Poet monthly Newsletter. It's an e-mail I send out monthly.
 — Henry

ooh. i like this. though po being erect is abit...gross?
 — miss_minx

You do NOT write in the style of Poe. Please do not disgrace the name of such tallent with this sad and horribly nauseating work.
 — unknown

I have never seen telly tubbies, am I missing out on something?  Anyhow I really enjoyed this the first time I read it and came back to comment after reading this poet was intending to leave.  What a shame, as this in fun and the real EAP certainly invites irreverence.
 — tanamac

I had to read this two times to finally understand what it was about. I find this very interesting, and like it for its uniqueness.
 — MysteryMan

 — unknown

wow, henry, you have the audacity to tell me my "bitch poem" is bad!
 — unknown

I loved your wicked sense of humor.  Very enjoyable read!
In line 9, I think that "have" should read "had."
 — PeggyParis

Anybody who likes mikebauer is an asshole. It is best for you to stay silent if you like mikebauer. You life will end if you continue to say you like him.
 — unknown

If this rhymed you'd be on to something. 5/10
— Henry
 — unknown

You're an asshole, Henry.
 — unknown

why the explained initials - oh yes, i don't know what R.I.P. means - I see this fellow holds his readers in great esteem.
 — opal

I wouldn't say Henry is an asshole. At least he has enough balls to attach his name with a comment. And he usually gives helpful comments.
 — pelican

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