poetry critical

online poetry workshop



why should i say you're dumb when you're a slut,slut?
miss_minx

she was like 'you can call me stupid but why must you talk about the guys i fucked?'

i wanna swing you by the ankles,
 1
rodeo style.
 2
hurl you against the wall
 3
hear your vertebrate snap.
 4
throw a gym bench at you
 5
watch your head dislocate.
 6
 
 
take the bumper from my daddy's car
 7
and smash it in your mouth,
 8
hear your teeth go ching a ling ling.
 9
 
 
UHU glue your ugly face back,
 10
i'm not done.
 11
steam you like a pomfret
 12
the way chinese people cook.
 13
 
 
pierce your body through
 14
the flag pole in school.
 15
i'll stand in attention
 16
as the whole parade salutes.
 17

24 Oct 06

Rated 4.3 (5.2) by 6 users.
Active (6): 1, 1, 1, 7, 8
Inactive (2): 5, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(22 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Your kinda missing the initial point, ' "You can call me stupid but why must you talk about the guys I fucked" '.... The poem is alright, like to see a little more form but you reely honestly just focused on "prep violence", which is cool, but not the entire point.
 — kaos_anjyl

who cares. i'm just pissed.
-minx
 — unknown

Ingenius! I like how the innocence of the man is portrayed as he is forced to discipline this woman who has wronged him so. Keep it up, I would love to read more of your work
 — Maximilian

I didn't even have to read all of this this. 1/10
 — Henry

bite me.
 — miss_minx

yeah! let's see some edgar allen poe! i'm sorry that was rude of me, henry.
 — miss_minx

I wrote a poem in the way I think it could have been written.

You can say certain things without being so blunt.
 — hemothymia

The poem I wrote is called, "SLUT."
 — hemothymia

I really like this. I know people have said it's blunt, but not all poetry has to be  wordy and metaphorical etc. etc.

It's refreshing to read something like this. It's not trying to be anything except from what it is.
Love lines 16-17.

Post more!
 — unknown

haha
i'm not done...

great humour throughout
 — mr_e

are you 13 or something?
 — unknown

go die.
 — miss_minx

gotta love shock poetry.
 — unknown

this isnt shocking .. incomprehension at someone else having self volition and individuality that the universe is revealed to not be revolving around this single speck of conciousness is expressed as juvenile anger...

the quote is right - you don't have any business talking about the guys she's fucked...
 — Mongrol

Newest (expand)
  • The Five second stare down
  • Dumped
  • Graduation Poem
  • the serial masturbater
  • The Clavicles of My Lovers
  • Throes of Endearment
  • Lumphuni Lotus Flower
  • Debt
  • Sweet(ened) Dreams
  • life's no demagogue - poem 7 - version 3
  • willing sacrifice
  • Kissing a Liaison
  • Old Time Dancing Via Verse
  • a brief tortuous long winded history of philosophy
  • Multi talented Elmo
0.455s