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lord knows

lord knows
i've been patient
collecting your drops
in teacup laughs
to drink on a
dry day
lord knows
i've been patient
waiting for that tinge
of your bated breath
to savor on my
cautious tongue
time takes me everywhere
when i am everyone
lord knows
i've been impatient
flipping your pages
with hurried eyes
to pass by
the dull day
lord knows
i've been impatient
your complexities
into narrow
forked paths
but time takes you everywhere
when you are everyone
lord knows
i've been patient
gathering twigs
for our cinder truths
to burn on a
cold day
lord knows
i've been patient
dreaming of
my second coming
to trace me back onto
your saintly skin
and lord knows
what you and i know
that time will take us everywhere
when we are everyone

19 Oct 06

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Like this a lot.
 — unknown

thank you!
 — sggunal

i like it
 — unknown

thanks.. no suggestions?
 — sggunal

Well, the only mistakes are grammar errors buddy.
 — unknown

i'd love to hear those too!
 — sggunal

awesome, just bloody brilliant
 — unknown

thank you!!
 — sggunal

I like the sense of this but there are some things I will need to come back to, when I have more time.  Think about 'cookie cutting."  I think you need cookie cutter, as when something is stamped out the same, the same, the same...but cookie-cutting isn't working there.  Also, most images of cookie cutting would not be forked and narrow paths.  Could you use slicing with a knife?  
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle, I know what you mean, the word kind of bugs me too.   I was thinking of cookie-cutting in terms of trapping within well-defined, standardized boundaries and having no use for the loose bits..   A template?  I like the ordinary, every-day sound of cookies though, like the paper and twigs and tea...   I could just use 'collapsing' or 'containing'  .. Or reconsider 'narrow forked paths'.. I'll think about it..

Look forward to more input, thanks! :)
 — sggunal

I love it. The only thing that I'd have against it would be the not-capitalizing of the i's. But I'm just picky about that. Overall, like I said, I love it. It's also something that people can relate to.
 — ashley87

Thanks Ashley! :)  I get the beef about capitalizing 'i'... I try not to do it too often or randomly... In a poem at least.  But here it seemed to fit better to not try and set myself apart from any other word in the poem.   I'm glad you liked!!  
 — sggunal

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