poetry critical

online poetry workshop



I always wanted ...
unknown

4am, too tired to sleep.
 1
Another glass of untouched wine,
 2
another joint unsmoked.
 3
We need a fourth for Bridge.
 4
 
 
My legs and arms are looking good,
 5
they always did heal well.
 6
A shower drains some time away
 7
the sun is rising o'er the hill.
 8
(i always wanted to use o'er in a poem)
 9
Another clichéd day begins.
 10

14 Oct 06

Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 10, 10
Inactive (2): 4, 10

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

I love this.
 — tanamac

I like this because it's simple, gives food for thought, and leaves the cliches for fodder.  
 — unknown

Thanks tanamac and unknown, and unknown rater.
 — unknown

days arent happy liek this the glass is always empty and the joint is always burned to the end
 — DLBanksAWM12

I think it lacks excitement, or is that what your going for?
 — SenorSin

You should put a name with your work, unknown.

This is very, very good. I can find no problem, and it makes me happy to read.

Teo.
 — teo_omega11

It's very lyrical and flows off the mind easily.  I like it whole.
 — Isabelle5

Thanks for the comment  teo_omega11, appreciated, as far as pseudonyms go i figure, whatsinaname?

Isabelle hi, i hope you've stopped picking on that coyote. :)
 — unknown

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