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Walmart...It's an emotional time

If ya'll are missin' your college kids
or you just ran out of laundry soap-
or you're tired and lazy
and find yourself moping,
you might like to go to Walmart-
maybe buy a fish for a pet.
(They have a 7 day guarantee you know).
If you go to Walmart,
you might even have a good cry
in the Bed and Bath section
if your husband's been a prick.
Maybe they've rolled back the price of
flannel sheet sets so when you
make him sleep on the couch tonight
you won't feel so bad.
If you're PMSing and all cranky and bloated
maybe a trip to the cosmetic department would be a good idea.  
Slimming creams, zit concealers and such.
The helpful Walmart staff are very familiar
with the newest line of fragrances too.  
But please don't buy Exclamation!!!
(it's for your own good).
See, I always like to eat at the WalMart McDonald's
cuz it's smaller and has less food choices,
and if I'm feeling fat that day
I don't feel as fat.
I hear that certain locations even have the "lean selections" menu.  
Sorry, still no milkshakes...
If you have really bad kids like mine that hide in
clothing racks, or can't find them cuz the lil' bastards have ran off,
no worries, they have Code ADAM.
It's Walmart-style lockdown.
Or, if you're a guy, and hate shopping, well...
You can always watch tear-jerking Disney movies on HD tv,
besides, I think you could get a video game
for a good deal.
Then you wouldn't be so bored at home if your wife
wants you to watch stupid shows like
America's Next Top Model.
(Hey, I think they sell the whole season there)!
Ahh Walmart... it's an emotional time.

14 Oct 06

Rated 7.8 (8.3) by 13 users.
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hehehe I actually quite like this, despite the fact that there are no walmarts in Britain, I imagine it as a kind of tacky woolworths kind of place...
 — unknown

great stuff.
 — bleach

 — slowtesque

what a cute poem, I think its neat that u can write such good poems about the most simple things.I look forward to your next posting....
 — eurobaby

 — saysayonara

antm wouldn't be so
bad if there were good-
lookin' women...
 — unknown

o this is so funny It says exactly why i avoid places like this
 — tanamac

welcome to Thunderdome b* . . . very powerful, an emotional rollercoaster.
 — unknown

some fun ideas in this one! original topic.
 — modern_nomad

hi nomad,
I'm glad you saw some fun in this,
since you disliked my cheese poem so.

(retarded for this to be in recent best, I mean...really)
 — jenakajoffer

hahaha. love it, my family being your standard set of poor rednecks from down south, you can imagine what big of a role wal mart plays in their lives.
 — chloee

Mark downs are happening all over the store . . . hey, it's even being done on this post. This poem should definitely go in the Clearance section.
 — unknown

th' clearance section...
oftentimes th' best bargoons(VALUE)
are to be had there
this thingymagizmo is absolooooooooooooooooootely
 — unknown

maybe buy a fish for a pet.  6

For the cat, dog or the budgie?
 — unknown

This is cute!  Walmart always somehow cheers me up when I'm PMS'n even though I'm a guy, but I still have MY moments too!
 — starr

Starr, what a cute comment...I joke about men having pms too, it happens from time to time, =-)
Thank ya for visiting my silly 'ol ditty.
 — jenakajoffer

you are absoloooooootely
extravagantly sweet.
 — jenakajoffer

this sux
 — unknown

try laughing cranky pants
 — unknown

I just had the best laugh, this is super!
 — unknown

this is so funny, original to for probably a universal topic, good job!
I think i dig all yore poems!
 — unknown

Very funny. I like it a lot. You did a very nice job.
 — MysteryMan

thanks unknown(s),
and MMan for your comments!
 — jenakajoffer

funny and insightful, I love the sarcasm in this writing and me being a loyal Wal Mart shopper, I can totally relate. I just wish you would have personalized it a bit more rather than narrative.
 — gjenkins

thank you g, I'm glad you liked it.
walmart continues to be a place for emotional times.  
Happens all the time, then I laugh.
Get ready for Christmas everyone, whew, a holiday walmart poem might be a hit.
Haha, !!!!
 — jenakajoffer

so ya thinks ya figgered
it oot, does ya?
we'll see tonite
when the answer
i reveal to you...
love this poem
by the way
 — chuckles

Ah wow. Awesome poem. Vair funny. And true.
 — unknown

This is really entertaining, very humorous!
 — unknown

wal-mart is one of my favorite places on earth. everything you've said here is true and easy to relate to, and I loved your touching immortal tribute to a place as awesome as wal-mart.
 — EchoesRemain

it's partially phonetic.
especially the title...
 — chuckles

choodles, how so?
me not know...
Echoes, unknowns, chuckie,
thanks for loving the mall-wart.
 — jenakajoffer

i was explaining for you because you said i never explain
so now you know
 — chuckles

The piece is funny, the sarcasm works - but it is prose put in the form of a poem. Sorry
 — unknown