poetry critical

online poetry workshop

one lifetime before

a single aspirin within
my grandfather seeps
as a single teabag steeps
a flood
a single index card
3 words on a fresh marble
headstone make
a thousand page lake
a minute with no air
my wrist hair

for the contest http://poetry.tetto.org/forum/read/91785/

8 Oct 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(161 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


this seems to work till the last two lines - it's almost like you ran out of ideas and just tacked your last two items on the end.  i think you could do a lot more with "a minute with no air" and "my wrist hair"..

still, it seems to be a good example of what opal is looking for, and i am inspired to give it a go too, soon :)
 — oracle

Creative and does make sense, too!  How lovely!  I'm still thinking of my words..the contest will be over but this will win!
 — Isabelle5

This really made a big impression gnormal - particularly the way the objects give us so much to expand upon. The opening works both as a microcosm/macrocosm dual image that permeates the whole poem - giving us a clue that grandfather is ill and then leads into section two that appears to be dealing with his demise. I am so impressed by how, in that huge moment you focus on the small physical reality of wrist hair. A poem that captures a moment and manages to deal with the enormity of life and death without using one single cliché.
 — opal

your critique is gasoline.  thanks for your attention and the stimulating project.
 — gnormal

what time is it?
- a hair past a freckle.
 — unknown

Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)