poetry critical

online poetry workshop



A victim?
InMyBlood

Contours and curves make me shake,
 1
a Freudian love dream.
 2
I pulse, touching slick wetness on tender thighs.
 3
Then collapse, flowering perfection is unobtainable.
 4
 
 
We're not ready?
 5
Thank god I'm a saint.
 6

24 Sep 06

Rated 5.5 (5.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 5, 6
Inactive (1): 6

(define the words in this poem)
(43 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Thanks, thats a lot of help.
 — InMyBlood

you dont get shit on here anymore
 — InMyBlood

too obscure
 — Ananke

You think? How so?
 — InMyBlood

God I love huge run on sentences. Also shitty images and cliche phrases that sound like they are from Elton John songs (touching slick wetness). Line 2 sheds some light on the issue though. Slick wetness blowing through your skull and out of the vacant cavity where your brain should reside. I'm sure by slick you meant perversion. We're not ready? Really? Is that why this piece is so incoherent and lacks substance or meaning? I would say so. If I were anywhere near you, I would spit in your eye.
1/10
 — unknown

Yeah, Elton John is known for writing songs about feeling wet vaginas. Moron
 — InMyBlood

stop talking to yourself slick willy.
 — unknown

Is this about feeling up a dead body? Or, a child molesting priest? (I do not think poorly of priests by the way...I think they're all generally good). I only thought that 'cause of the "saint" part. Hmm...interesting, but ya feel short. 5/10
 — Henry

No, it would be about feeling up a live woman. I dont know how I feel short. I'm nearly 6'2". Does my writing make my stature seem diminutive?
 — InMyBlood

I have no idea what you're getting at with this.
 — weed

You people are dense.
 — InMyBlood

I liked the first four lines, but I have to say that the last two seem so disconnected. Ready for what, sex? This should probably be made clearer, as should your meaning of saint. As it stands, it looks a little too shallow, and I think they could, at the very least, be better worded. Perhaps the second line could have a word or two added was well, as it's out of balance with the lines surrounding it. And as a last note, I'd say find a better word for "shake".
 — FangzOfFire

0.543s