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sweet suicide

tears streaming down my face
the pain too much to bare
there's no one to run to
no one that will care
all my strength is lost
my hope is gone
my darkest hour is near
will they mourn?
i cut a little deeper
i've got to see the blood
it rushes out the fresh cut
my beautiful crimson flood
banging on my bathrrom door
i see your scared face
"i love you plase dont leave me"
my heart begins to race
what have i done
it's too late now
all i thought was my own pain
i was just a slefish cow
a tear falls to my cheek
but it isn't mine
you wipe your eyes
and say it will b fine
"we'll be together forever"
he says as he smiles
he grabs the bloody razorblade
sitting on the tiles
he slashes up his wrists
and joins me on the floor
our hearts stop beating in unison
we'll be together for ever more

23 Aug 06

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hmmmm i dont no about this one
 — unknown

This is an incredibly disturbing fantasy.  I say 'fantasy', because this whole scenario is un-real - it would never happen.  When I read lines like 20 and 24, I immediately think 'teen', and the rest appears to be the Author romanticizing their addiction to cutting.  Personally, I would have preferred a piece that elaborates on your initial despair, rather than the above, which reads like the writer is trying to manifest a true love that's super eager to share the madness.
 — unknown

hmm... whinings, i see. Good try.
 — inc_reign

Do you really think you are doing anything to help the state of adult's views of teenagers today if you write things like this? Granted, you may feel this way, but would it not be better to express your feelings in a more mature way? You really are just pandering to a steriotype here.
 — unknown

Spell check, even when you're in pain.  This is much too trite and cliched to be taken seriously as anything but EMO poetry.  There is nothing elegant, the spelling is very bad, the scenario is so typical, like a soft lying down and happiness in the great beyond.  Bodies don't die gently and it's not a pretty sight.

You could try to make this more poignant, less romantic, more raw pain and purpose but as it is, it's like 1,000 others here that don't make much of an impact anymore.  
 — Isabelle5

I stopped reading halfway through because it was just so ordinary and blah.  Not worth my time.
 — propoet50

Its disturbing but so sweet. I thinks its beautiful.
 — BondageLover