poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Written In The Stars

While we stand side by side,
looking toward the night sky
and tasting frost on our lips,
I attempt to identify the different
constellations for you.
I calculatedly select stars
for their symbolic relevance.
That one could be Perseus, the hero
and look, nearby waits Andromeda.
That stellar line symbolises
the rock she sat on, waiting
to be rescued from Lacerta, see -
the giant lizard to the right.
Your wonder at my knowledge
makes me smile, but my faith
in the patterns of the skies
tells me I might be right.
Turn around and there we are.
All that Sagittarius has to do
to reach Aquarius and her elusive
heart, is to fire his archer's arrow
straight over Capricorn; now,
how long have we been together
for you to know that must be true?
If you look long and hard
and follow your intuition,
you'll know our love
was always written in the stars.

9 Aug 06

Rated 8.5 (7.8) by 10 users.
Active (10): 1, 4, 6, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 3, 5, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(74 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Bravo. nice use of the constellations. very good. i approve. yee-haw. lol
 — unknown

I attempt to comment but find I can't, a dumb-struck 10
 — Meep

 — Nostalgia

Having just read this I wish I could offer something a little more constructive: yes it's a little cheesy, perhaps clichéd, definitely romantic. Yet it is strangely captivating and thoroughly enjoyable.
 — hobby

fire the arrow to the cheesey moon.
 — unknown

we're in a middle of the chapter
we did read from the stars
pages are missing
torn from my heart

(I like last two lines)
 — Jerry33

love's just and universes provides explanation, good poem
 — gjenkins

This just flows right along without a hitch, beginning to end.  I am so impressed and so delighted to find a poem that is rich in imagery and real things but with a heart beating fast and deliciously in the background of it all.  

Thank you for this.
 — Isabelle5

Ah, another goddess has written a gem.
 — Isabelle5

wow...secrets not so far-fetched in the unconscious.
 — C

This poem is like a rose ready to bloom with elegant beauty. (which I'm sure it already has).
 — unknown

Opal is gifted and lovely.

Of course I only assume lovely, but I feel my money is safe on that one.
 — unknown

Beautifully written, an instant favourite.
 — sybilvane

L4, needs a comma after the first to
I'm a Capricorn, but us Caps are far too practical to believe in all that Astrological nonsense ;)  
Enjoyed the poem ty.
 — unknown

Thanks aybil - favouritism is good in this case!
 — opal

Unknown - i was a bit mystified by the comma remark and 2 tos had appeared by accident, so I think the alteration renders the comma superfluous. The Aquarian speaking in the poem is also gently mocking 'the stars' but they are slightly mystical so embrace most philosophies just in case. I know well about Capricorns - having 2 Capricorn children myself.
 — opal

this is terribly corny and will be toprated because most people are pathetic

an honest opinion which is pending crucifiction

 — unknown

I like honest opinions st3 - I'd take issue with you about 'corny' though. I don't think it quite reaches those dizzy heights - loving someone and expressing it with humour isn't pathetic - there is some corny stuff on this site - didn't you write some of it? ( I am however prepared to be indulgent and won't crucify you today).
 — opal

I watched it rise and fall from 1 to 14 on the top-rated list. It's not the only one, your work st3nt?
 — unknown

Obviously unknown - st3nt is obviously a bear of very little brain.
 — opal

But honest opinions - let's not forget that.
 — opal

I see nothing wrong with st3nt being honest, it's quite refreshing in a way.  I'm just curious as to whether she, or someone else, toppled this poem from first place. I was reading poems in the Top Rated and Recent Best lists, when the order of the poems drastically started changing. It was particularly noticeable because it happened so quickly, and no comments were left on any of the poems but this one.
 — unknown

i did not rate this poem. i do not rate poems numerically. this poem falls on its own merits.

a falling star


 — unknown

Thanks for the answer st3nt. Someone else then ...
 — unknown

It's fine that st3 doesn't like it and a bit of banter is always welcome - I realise now it wasn't him - I know who it is - an idiot with a grudge who has a very bad reputation - still I take it as a compliment and I give as good as I get.
 — opal

>Unknown - i was a bit mystified by the comma remark and 2 tos had appeared >by accident, so I think the alteration renders the comma superfluous. The >Aquarian speaking in the poem is also gently mocking 'the stars' but they are >slightly mystical so embrace most philosophies just in case. I know well about >Capricorns - having 2 Capricorn children myself.

Opal, the 2nd 'to' was there for so long i started to think you meant it as a word stumble. No harm done :)
 — unknown

This poem's really cool in the astronomical sense.  I like it.  Check out on Beyonce's first CD, "Dangerously in Love," a song called, "Signs."  It's a sweet (like this poem) trip through the zodiac.  If someone wrote me poems like these, I'd marry 'em in a New York minute!
 — starr

Well, the night may be cold, and a certain frost lingers upon the lips of the observers.

Nevertheless, despite the calculations apparent, in the observations of the night sky.

The writer has ignored the base verb calculate which has been replaced by the adverb calculatedly,an adjective?.
Calculate being the present estimate formed in the mind by comparing the present and various factors, which influence its determination.

As calculated is the past participle of the base verb calculate
The term “I calculatedly select stars” finds little favour as to which sense you are relating too.
Even the doubtful adverb lends little to the projected scene.

Calculated as an act of precipitation perhaps.

Apart from that, it is nice enough as a preambular advisement to poetry.

 — Mor

calculatedly = Made or planned to accomplish a certain purpose; deliberate.
 — opal

Calculate, to make a computation
The action of computing or estimating the various circumstances, which concur to influence the mind in forming it determinations.

Calculated is the past action utilised in forming a determination

Adding the suffix ly to calculated does not alter the past premise
of a calculation already completed therefore in order to make sense
you must have  pre-selected your stars, other wise your calculated action was in fact never completed.

 — Mor

i disagree mor. the adverb takes on the tense of the verb, in this case "select" which is in the present tense. therefore, calculatedly is used in the present, and in effect means in the process of 'calculating'.
 — unknown

Surely select is a transitive verb.

 — Mor

Yes, calculatedly is an adverb. Adverbs can be used with transitive and intransitive verbs alike. To do something in a calculated way = to do something calculatedly. Enough now. The green bus will be along soon.
 — opal

Hi Opal,

I am getting a bit too old to jump on the roof of double deck buses, however green they may be.

Can I not just sleep on the back seat like any other self respecting drunk?

 — Mor

Whilst we are waiting on the green bus,
I was reflecting on line two, in particular to the word toward.
Now I am probably quite wrong on this but I have always used toward in the singular and towards in the plural.
Shakespeare I believe also considered such an expediency to be correct.

For example.
“The waves makes towards the pebble shore”.

Were as Swift adjoined with
“I am toward nine years older since I left you”

Spencer too supported Swift with his immortal lines

“ approaching near; his toward peril “

Whilst Shakespeare retorts

“Why that is spoken like a toward prince”

Whilst Clarendon initially supports Shakespeare.
“This is the first alarm England received towards any trouble”

 — Mor



where do live?
 — chuckles

Also, where do you live? Skies? Hmm?
 — chuckles

Well, English is a foreign language to me, but for some reason the application of the perfect tense, past, present and future appears to have gone slightly awry.

However, if you where to be, aboard a satellite, you could possibly see all the skies.

It just depends on where and from which point you make your observations from.

 — Mor

Top Rated (expand)
Newest (expand)
  • perfect white noise
  • My Summer, My Sun
  • poetic burn out
  • phone feelings
  • empty soles that tread the steps to day
  • Your body, I am.
  • Casualty of love
  • A Mothers Love
  • my cycle.
  • Childish Innocence and Blimps
  • As I Was Passing
  • Mr. Kaboomington
  • umbrellas responding to Rain
  • Burn Down Summer
  • Lilith
Recently Commented (expand)
  • Barefoot Boy
  • my cycle.
  • Kunai
  • Most dumped boyfriend (found poem)
  • perfect white noise
  • slowdancing around my existential meltdown
  • My Life.
  • things we do when we are empty
  • poetic burn out
  • Burn Down Summer
  • the psalms of wasps and other stinging insects
  • Stones crush beatles
  • When Love Dies
  • caught threads
  • lightness traveling, come undone
Recent Best (expand)
  • 1. The Sunflower Girl
  • 2. An Honorable Man
  • 3. Existentialist In God's Garden
  • 4. And I Have Loved Thee, Oh Shun
  • 5. saturdays and sundays at 6am
  • 6. \\ Now The Cat's Got No Whiskers \\
  • 7. //for ivan//
  • 8. hank and i press our hands
  • 9. This Is Your Last Chance
  • 10. the impoetic man
  • 11. wittgenstein's art ( a story in verse )
  • 12. mark'd
  • 13. Childish Innocence and Blimps
  • 14. You Kissed Like a Prostitute
  • 15. Squinting In The Dark