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Let Fathers Sleep

Woe be tide on you keen giant  
Standing true on your fathers legs  
Speaking through your fathers voice  
Shaking in your fathers hands  
Romanticizing your own death  
With each unsure step  
Advising in your own head  
The surest path to take  
Wake now from your slumber warrior child  
Your challenge set  
By your dearest companion, your closest friend  
To break the chain of lineage  
To write your name anew  
Let fathers sleep  
And their deeds be counted  
For ill or favour of you both  
But fear not.  
Yours is a burden and a teaching wound  
Your father’s legs are yours  
Stand Proud!  
As sure as tomorrow  
When the evening sun sets  
You shall have lived two lives  
And laid but one to rest.

4 Aug 06

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)

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I liked the last stanza but i think that the rest needs to be edited. It seems stilted and does not seem to flow well. Thanks for sharing this. (and posting it a few times, sometimes it takes a while to get noticed here.)
 — Seeker

I get you, it needs some work. i just need some critique.
 — unknown

I'm reading and re-reading it...will take some time and try to come up with some critique. I usually suck at it though.
 — Seeker

 — philoanon

hey hows it going? lines 12/13 if your using an enjambement then I would uncapitalize "By" I'd alos maybe lose one of the friend/companion states. Or split the line. You should be careful of those "lord of the rings" come "Anam Cara" cliches though. I dig what this has, but I think that right now it needs to be whittled away at. THere is a very strong piece in there though so please do some work on it. I'll mark it when it's finished
 — SolCarloman

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