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Orange Lake
Meep

he sent me
 1
the flowers
 2
we picked,
 3
now tinged
 4
and curled,
 5
like my letters
 6
they remain
 7
unopened,
 8

4 Aug 06

Rated 8 (8.4) by 10 users.
Active (10): 1, 2, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (4): 9, 9, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(3 more poems by this author)

(5 users consider this poem a favorite)
gem_grrrl
HornGod
maila
Promiscuous
varun



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Comments:

i like this meep.  especially the ending with a comma - what happens if you water the flowers??
 — oracle

this piece can  stand alone witout the punctuation; the pauses are already there due to the line breaks. I enjoyed the poem. very thoughtful. ;-)
 — redsky

Kind of cliche, it's just got the basics of romance slammed into a poem that severely lacks punctuation and basic sense.
 — FangzOfFire

Hm. Well. I like this.
I like the comma at the end.
No period means (I'm guessing) this is not the end, which is to say there is more to be said and to be read.

Yep. I definitely like that. I just like this all together.
The title. Hmm. It caught my attention, but I'm not seeing the connection.
Hmm. A lot of thinking on this short piece.
 — Rixes

I often mistake simplicity for laziness.  
 — unknown

Thank you all for the careful read, comments and 1  

If you water the flowers, they would go soggy and fall apart most likely.

Fangy your comment holds a great deal of antipathy considering the poem's size are you sure that your judgement is not tainted by a personal dislike of the author?  Just a thought.
 — Meep

I often mistake green for read
 — unknown

but only in my head
which is twisted like a melon
said Helen
 — unknown

he sent me
the flowers
we plucked
now mangled
and unfurled
like my thighs
they remain
unopened


st3ntorian
 — unknown

^cras response
 — unknown

Where is my helpful criticism?
 — Meep

Tell me Meep, why do I feel that my place in the world is to be blambed?  I've felt this my while life, even as a child, I mean by adults for thing taht are not my problem.  Why Meep?  WHY!!
 — unknown

Because people who judge on appearances alone, think they can read minds.
 — Meep

Orange lake is a pigment, by the way, but I guess you knew that.
 — Meep

Thank you Meep for more than you will ever know.
 — unknown

Nothing to suggest on this, I agree with oracle and rixes a great way to end the poem.  Very nice work.
Rgds
hobby
 — hobby

Insipid poem. How do you know he didn't open your letters?
 — unknown

ermmm - perhaps she never sent them
 — unknown

So why aren't they unsent and not unopened? I would understand if 'his' letters were unopened.
 — unknown

I LOVE the title.  I also love the way it flows with it's gentle pauses and then the invitation to keep reading (or imagining) at the end of L8.  I can't say "the end," because it doesn't end.  It keeps going.  That's what's so cool about this piece.  Thanks.
 — starr

starr, hobby and unknown, the letters remain unopened because the recipient predicted their content.  I'm encouraged and amazed by your responses, thank you.  According to John Kettley, who is a weatherman, "Hot" involves risk, "Cool" doesn't.
 — Meep

Now I REALLY LOVE this poem, Meep!  This is absolutely beautiful!!!  I already gave it a "10" and if I could give it higher, it'd be a "26!"  Awesome!  
 — starr

i'm perplexed, open it.
 — bowiegirl

fuck off
 — unknown

what??!
 — Meep

Thank you starr, thoughtful comments.
Meep
 — unknown

He sent me
the flowers
we picked,
now tinged
and curled.

Like my letters,
they remain
unopened.

Punctuation!  This is simple and direct.  I like it.
 — Isabelle5

Thank you Isabelle.  I'd like to improve my punctuation, it's very hit and miss.
Meep
 — unknown

oh look I have appeared to have contributed 8.7
Meep
 — unknown

MERDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thecuriousorange
 — unknown

yes, well, what can I say but 0.0
Meep
 — unknown

A little gem, I've had that with poppies and lovers.  Never realised potential, as ubiquitous as hope.  I like this a lot.
 — tanamac

I'm going up in the world!! cheers Tanamac
Meep
 — unknown

I love orange.  Yes, everything orange is good.
Are the letters still in your title?
 — jenakajoffer

Cheers Jen, I also love your poems - slowly working my way through them
and yes, you are correct, there are letters in my title
Meep
 — unknown

Ooohhh that's good. So much left up to the reader's imagination, but the path is still made clear for us, wonderful. Such greatness within a minimilist framework.
 — themorrigan

cool, thanks meep.
(did u like my "psalm"?? hehe)!
 — jenakajoffer

Your kindness overwhelmes me themorrigan.

:D Super duper Jen!!  

Meep
 — unknown

dontcha love comment whores??!
Thanks meep, =-)
Jen
 — jenakajoffer

we are all comment whores but some of us wear orange terylene football shirts but not really
 — unknown

sorry, I'm not the best comment writer
Meep
 — unknown

Thanks Jen
Meep
 — unknown

nice poem. i agree with redsky on the no punctuation.
i would say either a full stop at the end of 5 or an 'and' at the beginning of 6.
but that's first thought.
beautiful words...
 — varun

Wonderful!--usually flower poems feel over-done to me but this is positively refreshing. the simplicity allows a great deal of room for the image and the feeling--and ditto about the punctuation (sorry, i know i'm being redundant...*smile*). Goin' to my fav's list.
 — gem_grrrl

varun and gem_grrrl
thank you for your comments, it's helpful to get this sort feedback.  
Meep
 — unknown

I feel as if I have taken up too much of your time again already.  I really do appreciate the time you've taken looking and commenting.

Many thanks

Meep
 — unknown

Gorgeous poem-let.
Really like how you wrote it.
 — maila

Thank you, I wrote it listening to The Archers
Meep
 — unknown

It's not easy reading a poem written in fluent chimpanzee??!!
Meep (I'm just tolerated by most)
 — unknown

I must learn to comment like Varun.
I must learn to comment like Varun.
I must learn to comment like Varun.
I must learn to comment like Varun.
I must learn to comment like Varun.
I must learn to comment like Varun.
Meep
 — unknown

I'd just like to say one last thing before I go and that is this

As a young woman with a genuine interest in poetry I am not a dirty old raincoat man, lesbian pervert - that's all really.  You flatter yourselves.
Meep
 — unknown

a quiet urge leads me
(to ancient artifacts)



I reach to sand, to wind,
to silence and foreboding,
to life, a toast to thirst
to which I succumb,
red wine on cracked lips.
I stare and squint
at a sun so bright,
to reunite body and soul
with Khufu a thousand cries,
long gone his power, his wealth.
 — unknown

Ah! What color! The title splays a set color over the poem giving it a warm awsome glow!
 — SenorSin

I should also point out that the poem is not in any way about the orange order, the house of orange, orange fizzy pop or whores.  Thank you for your comment and pretty pwty poem
Meep
 — unknown

vitamin c?
 — unknown

No not vitamin C, I'm soo sorry that you should think to question that, unknown.
Meep
 — unknown

you never understood I had to
 — unknown

Aye pithy compulsive behaviour *cheesy grin*
Meep
 — unknown

time is consumed
and it's passing
simplifies to
suns and moons
against the hips
of it's division,
the sound is tangible
a borrowed glance,
 — unknown

I think you could afford to lose "the sound is tangible a borrowed glance,"
Meep
 — unknown

or even "the sound is as tangible as a borrowed glance"  sounds a bit crackers just left like that
Meep
 — unknown

okay, it reads a bit nuts
 — unknown

lol, if glances made noises?
Meep
 — unknown

yeah okay I'' do something with it, cheers, thanks a lot
 — unknown

PARP!
Meep
 — unknown

and he adopts
the strength
of wind's
unwritten lines,
their lonely roads
and muddied realities
 — unknown

I got the jazz you got the jazz, stop being so sensitive - this is my poem get yer own!
Meep
 — unknown

and he leaves remembering to shut

the door ever so quietly on the way out.
 — unknown

GOOD!
Meep
 — unknown

^

Somebody made this arrowhead. It had a creator long ago. This arrowhead is the only proof of his existence. Living things can also be seen as artifacts, designed for a purpose. So perhaps the human artifact had a creator. Perhaps a stranded space traveler needed the human vessel to continue his journey, and he made it for that purpose ? he died before he could use it ? He found another escape route ? This artifact , shaped to fill a forgotten need, now has no more meaning or purpose than this arrowhead without the arrow, and the bow, the arm and the eye. Or perhaps, the human artifact was the creator's last card, played in an old game many light-years ago. Chill of empty space…
 — unknown

^

The Place of Dead Roads

William S. Burroughs
 — unknown

I liked:

the magical universe presupposes that nothing happens unless someone or some power, some living entity will it to happen. There are no coincidences and no accidents. A chaotic situation is always deliberately produced. Ask yourself who or what sort of creature could benefit from such a situation. Even in the crudest economic terms there are those who profit from chaos… speculators, black marketeers, ultimately warlords and bandits…

Meep
 — unknown

a mediocre choice that smacks of naughtiness.
 — unknown

what?!
Meep
 — unknown

I didn't read it.
 — unknown

This is concise. It's short yet, it means so much. Just with your analogy it makes the poem complex.
 — Bandrews

that's sweet of you Bandrews - it's a universal poem, I like to think.
Meep
 — unknown

I don't think my writing sounds gay, what's gay about it??!
Meep
 — unknown

i think i think i know the flow the flow you want to create without that full stop at the end of the line before line 4.
but.
still think there should be stop at the end of line 3. and no comma at the end of line 5. but instead at the end of line 6.
i do like the comma at the end of line 8 mate. but i've changed your poem considerably with my suggestions. ha. sorry.

dankemercidhanyavaadshukriyathanks.
 — varun

no worries mate, punctuation is over rated in my mind.  I mean, really, is anyone gonna die if a comma is in the wrong place??! Throw a comma in here or there to stop the reader asphyxiating and sleep easy that's what I say.  

I'll think about line three, thanks for taking the time to comment.
Meep
 — unknown

he sent me
the flowers
we picked
now tinged
and curled
like my letters,
they remain
unopened

It's transformed, I barely recognise it as my own work!!!
Meep
 — unknown

gorgeous flowers. i mean poem. nice poem meep. is it yours? :}
looking good mate.
 — varun

thanks mate
Meep
 — unknown

If you will

a stained glass
congealed with fear
and tamed wonder,
he stabs the life
outside windows
of imagined light,

Meep
 — unknown

and he adopts
the strength
of wind's
unwritten lines,
their lonely roads
and muddied realities
a stained glass
congealed with fear
and tamed wonder,
stabbing the life
outside windows
of stolen thoughts
and imagined light,

Meep
 — unknown

stabs chunks... stabbing icy chunks... chunks... I like
 — unknown

he adopts
the strength
of wind's unwritten lines
their lonely roads
and muddied realities,
becomes
a stained glass
congealed with fear
and tamed wonder,
making a stab
at the life outside
his windows of stolen
thought
and imagined light,

Meep
 — unknown

i must learn to write like meep
i must learn to write like meep
i must learn to write like meep
i must learn to write like meep

nice poem in the comments. i see the progress.
 — varun

Cheers Varun - I hope that was a joke :-)
Meep
 — unknown

nojokesthisisawonderfulpoemmeepshortsimpleyetnotandmeaningful.
 — varun

As I said write more, you give a taste but to money shot.  You are a tease.
 — devilsbelboy

beautiful little verse containing an image so powerful it is clear in my mind too

i can see the orange light falling on the faded flowers and envelopes

very mature piece and composed perfectly
 — Mongrol

22222
 — unknown

Still diggin' it after all this time...hell yeah...Go get 'em, Meep.
 — starr

It's amazing what some people can do with just 17 words.
 — callingcard

Not orginal in the least.
 — unknown

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