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A plum

Pert plum skin,
pale shoulder and
line curving up,
smelling violets,
vague coloration that
mixes and fades
in the skin of a plum
full of air and hair
and curve going up.


11 Jul 06

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 — aerol

yum yum she's a plum!
 — unknown

hmm. i like the last part, it just flows so well, right out of my mouth.

but the first part, i kept wanting it to read as "smelling of violets", perhaps that would work better?

and i think perhaps that poem should have a pause at end of line 4? like, a period, not a comma?

but perhaps not, as we all know what i say now should be ignored.
 — inutile

you seem quite undecided.
 — aerol

i was quite decided about what i suggested, but rather undecided whether you should take my advice.

does that make sense?
 — inutile

it makes perfect sense.
 — aerol

it's important to me that the poem be a single sentence.
 — aerol

Lines 5 through 9 did have a very nice flow to it. I'd consider however altering the first part slightly. Try using the word aplomb...just for fun. I bet it could fit easily. Professor Plum is still my favorite plum. I think it was rather artfully written. I'm impressed.
 — MrChris

I agree about "smelling of violets" I wanted to read it that way, too. Do your plums have hair? My plums are so smooth, siky soft smooth.
 — Kita

my plums are smooth as a baby's bottom.
 — aerol

...just what I was thinkin'
 — Kita

I share my plum poem with you:
http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/32570/
 — Kita

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