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The sense of swaying
sparrow

At times when I am swaying through the
 1
vast fields last
 2
ridden by lost poets, I long for
 3
Love
 4
and someone who
 5
would ride with me on meadows covered
 6
in forget-me-nots.
 7
 
 
I want to
 8
wear a green dress with red
 9
slippers and cherries
 10
as earrings and take
 11
my bike to carry the yellow tulips,
 12
I'd woven in thought,
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to you.
 14
 
 
Oh I would give my breath for one more moment,
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in which you pass me by and let your shirt
 16
just barely brush my skin on
 17
purpose since you’re
 18
too afraid to talk to me in
 19
Words and I
 20
 
 
have captured you in words
 21
a hundred times but never
 22
dared come closer and
 23
I never will unless I dare
 24
to cross the line which lies
 25
between and leaves me
 26
 
 
swaying in my dreams.
 27

19 Jun 06

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I love, love the your imagery.
It makes me want to go have a picnic.
 — lacklusterrr

Abstracts and meandering, maudlin empty words torture me.

Swaying through vast fields. That means nothing. Followed by poets riding through them. Not only is it cliche and trite to invoke the poet (as if any of us here care what poets might do in a field), they ride them.

So, am I straddling the wheat, like a bronco to wind's beat? Or perhaps a field of clover, caught tween my legs, rising to the sun.

I can't read any further.
 — DianaTrees

Thank you for you comments!

Diana- I know that imagery is a matter of taste. I often use "fields" or "meadows" as symbolism in my poems, since I love how they can mean many things. To me, the vast fields etc. here mean that I am travelling through fields of thought which poets have written about a hundrer times.
I tried to make the tone of the poem almost cliche, because the speaker is trying to capture the mood of being in love, but is afraid of not really succeding.
 — sparrow

can someone maybe help me with the commas? I'm not quite sure if some are missing... thanks!
 — sparrow

its beautifully dreaaaaaaamy...
ha, glad to come across a poem i actually understood!
 — nikitasarin

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