poetry critical

online poetry workshop



She loves you, and so do I
unknown

There are days when I wish I could tell her
 1
the distance. The words we share secret
 2
from you. All of you who read and think
 3
you understand our love for one another.
 4
 
 
You're only voyeurs
 5
 
 
to our digital romance. Like spies, we hide meaning
 6
in each other's words, each beat: each line
 7
begets the next. Poetry is from the heart,
 8
and sometimes it spills over onto you.
 9

15 Jun 06


(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Whiny throughout. Love poetry is meant to be shared with the person, not forced on the rest of us who are here to read.
 — DianaTrees

I can relate to this - so much so that I wish I had written it. I want to use it as a prelude in all my love poems.

Sam
 — unknown

AD and me. The third is losing her grip. She's a bitch.
 — unknown

agree with DT but - its begets not begats.
 — unknown

She's an opinionated and close-minded bitch, especially when it comes to love poetry. It's understandable since she thrives on hatred.

First of all, this was not forced on anyone. If you didn't want to read it you could have clicked on another (you couldn't tell by the title it would be a love poem?)
Second, love poetry is meant to be shared with everyone if it is poetry. I used to think that 'poetry' about depression, suicidal thought(s), etc., should only be written down in a journal or a letter assigment to one's psychiatrist until Anne Sexton started to sell thousands of her books with most folk's reason for buying them being, "I could relate.'

I would change one thing...l2.
There are days when I wish I could tell her 1
the distance of PC.    
to
There are days when I wish I could tell her 1
the distance of my words.

Leave PC out of it and it will express more to a reader. Agree with unknown re begets.

Still liking this one.

Sam
 — unknown

you're right, Sam. I'm not surprised. Thanks to you and the unknowns.

As for Diana. I know from whence she comes, and why. Thanks to her for her thoughts.
 — unknown

Top Rated (expand)
Newest (expand)
  • Insmonia
  • as religion
  • Ancestral
  • But 14 Lines
  • //after a friday night at Southport//
  • mermaids
  • Intel Inside
  • Drama School
  • A Fight in Traffic
  • Walking Inside a Cave
  • untitled promise
  • Dead Deer, 100 Degree Night
  • Learning to Walk
  • Professionalism (II)
  • For my own god damn sake just hear me out
Recently Commented (expand)
  • hey baby-OVERHAUL
  • messing with perspective
  • Insmonia
  • as religion
  • finally
  • Perfection/Madness/Death (Now "Condensed Trilogy")
  • //after a friday night at Southport//
  • Digital Craft
  • Learning to Walk
  • Morality
  • Visions
  • //for ivan//
  • //at the drug house on van-buren//
  • Intel Inside
  • Dead Deer, 100 Degree Night
Recent Best (expand)
  • 1. //for ivan//
  • 2. //at the drug house on van-buren//
  • 3. \\ Now The Cat's Got No Whiskers \\
  • 4. Dead Deer, 100 Degree Night
  • 5. mark'd
  • 6. Returning Home
  • 7. hank and i press our hands
  • 8. This Is Your Last Chance
  • 9. the impoetic man
  • 10. You Kissed Like a Prostitute
  • 11. From Worthy to Wanton and Not a Bit of Shame
  • 12. Tantric Loom
  • 13. An open letter to my ancestors, circa 874 A.D.
  • 14. on haiku
  • 15. Burn Down Summer
0.597s