poetry critical

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harold jackson brings my grandmother daffodils

he called one day out of the blue
it’s bingo every tuesday at the american legion
and sundays after
church service
they drive to cedar rapids for brunch
then west
towards keystone and
the steep cemetery on the hill
where her richard
is buried then
down a twisting gravel road
along the iowa river
past marengo
to a spot overlooking
an eagle's nest there
where he and edna
took picnics for
thirty years before she
went dust last august
and he buried
a fistful of her right
there along with
that norway

4 Jun 06

Rated 8.3 (8) by 22 users.
Active (22): 1, 3, 4, 4, 5, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

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(86 more poems by this author)

(12 users consider this poem a favorite)

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beautiful story of lost love and found
 — unknown

i like this alot. 10.
 — unknown

A story wonderful in its telling and for being told. Knowing the area makes it more CONCRETE to me- and it is a concrete/solid poem, a lovely venture into story telling with memorable details...admirable.
 — SkinImIn

this is really beautiful.
 — ruyi

This is beautiful. I just started reading without any expectations and a vivid story with beautiful flavours and colours just filled my mind. Not often does a poem have that effect on me. Thank you.
 — unknown

I love line 22!
The character development
is beautifully done.
Great poem.
 — Krttika


thanks for reading.

 — fdostoev

That's nice of Harold Jackson.
I liked the poem quite a bit too. Reminded me of the Notebook for some reason. Probably because it was the only chick-flick I stayed awake through (not by choice I promise you that) and this poem involved older people. There's probably not connection between the the movie and this poem, but I for some reason felt I had to mention it. I like the idea of mentioning directions (north, west) Would there be anyway to include all the direction? Probably not. It'd seem too forced if you did that, but I liked it nonetheless. Line 2...is short and I don't think it's needed at all. And especially, if you're going to keep it, it doesn't need a line to itself. I liked it a ton though besides that. 10
 — MrChris

It is a great story, but I think that it is more prose that poetry. Number one, I ask you? Surely there is better out there?
 — unknown

It's got that "beautiful peace" about it that I fear and it's speaks like autumn, all colorful and cool.  That's why it's #1.  Here's "10" more.  Kudos!
 — starr

this is kind of cool. <3
 — missmurder

Amongst all the positive things I could say about this poem, I have to say I like its sparsity and spareness - of language, emotion, and description. Very well put together.
 — opal

This style should no way work but it does it does and its a sure keeper.

 — unknown

I don't usually like to see already known figures of speech, like "out of the blue" in a poem.

People who go to the American Legion for bingo, just say they're going to the legion.  At least that's what I've heard.

If you're going to forgo punctuation, it would be helpful to break your lines where the punctuation would be.

I don't care for how this is put together--sans punctuation and capitalization, the line breaks.  But I do like the plain-spoken narration, the story itself.  

Line breaks aside, I think that the ending is very well done: beautifully poignant without trying to be.
 — housepoppy

Harold Jackson sounds like a made up name...like "jim universe"...or "susan vagina"....thats my only real dispute..
I like the idea of the poem, but theres no really juicy language in it...
Its nice, but i think i'd probably forget it soon enough.
I'd probably give this a 7, but i'd feel mean if i knocked you out of the top rated list. I'll let someone else do that!
 — john_daker

Very cute, I like the use of... the elderly... a nice piece. I don't think the use of direction is needed. (north, south...) But a very enchanting poem.
 — unknown

Sad and sweet.
 — Cloudless

a fellow iowan!

i like it, but some of the line breaks confuse me. 11-12-13, for example. why the one-word lines?
 — jade

nice. longer than it looks, in depth.
 — listen

This is a fine piece of writing,knowing and well obseved

 — unknown

What ever this piece of nonsense is trying to achieve, it fails miserably in no small way by the incompetence of the writer.

The small mindedness of the writer is the only significant factor presumably worth considering.

 — unknown

very nicely done, im not sure if i like the ending. great mood and use of lines thought!
 — topop

What a sweet story of love found again in the twilight years.  
 — Isabelle5

Sparrow-  I just had to read a bit of your poetry, and I love this one, because it's so real.  

            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;   The Magical Princess of Love (Jennifer)
 — whitetree

i love your poem.
 — unknown

i love your poem.

 — unknown

like it, 9
 — aurelius

the words are good they could dance even a little more though.
 — jumpoline

i wish i could write in green. for some reason i feel that it would convey my exact feelings towards this poem. but, seeing as i can't, you shall never know...
 — unknown

this is genuine garrison keeler quality verse. that's right. that's why i'm giving it a 3, cause it's so cloned the price tag's still on the seam. is this for real? is this the reduction of humanity and consciousness in to china tea cup and don't fart? the only way you can see us? we're paper cutout chicken for your paper picnic. this makes me feel very annoyed with popular culture and what poetry has come to be thought of by the illiterate since world war two.

probably i'm overreacting. i'll give you a ten, since it's nothing to me.
 — mikebauer

too many
line breaks

You can do better sirrah.
 — technomancer

Wow, that makes me feel better about the world.
 — SenorSin

great job. i liked how you described death in L22. my favorite thing about poetry is people saying old things in new ways.

also i hope this happens to me one day.
 — yourworries

well written!
i compliment your talent. here are my further suggestions and specific input:

"there" seems completely unnecessary in line 18; i'd suggested removing it.

line 3 is great.

in line 22, i don't like the phrase "went dust," assuming it means death.

the title is good.

thanks for the read,
 — steveroggenb

still love this
 — FolleRouge

thirty years befor she went dust - what a great way to put dead!!
 — digweed5112

Well Harry sounds like a sweetheart. I think he's just trying to get in your grandmother's pants in all honesty. Because he's a pervert...4/10.
 — Henry

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