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Whispers to Isabelle
Caducus

Her face in the Loch
 1
stretched,
 2
laughing,
 3
beautiful,
 4
whispering my birth name
 5
(Joseph).
 6
 
 
Her face in my wing mirror,
 7
shrinking,
 8
sobbing,
 9
contorted,
 10
screaming my real name
 11
(Bastard).
 12
 
 
Her body on the ottoman,
 13
naked,
 14
fragrant,
 15
moist,
 16
screaming God’s name.
 17
 
 
Her body in the soil,
 18
dressed,
 19
rotting,
 20
bone,
 21
staring at your name
 22
(Isabelle).
 23
 
 
 
 
My hands on the ottoman,
 24
silent,
 25
solitary,
 26
folded,
 27
whispering God’s name
 28
whispering her name,
 29
it’s all about prayers
 30
and whispers.
 31

1 Jun 06

Rated 7 (7.6) by 5 users.
Active (5): 1, 2, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 2, 6, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

Absolutely lovely - a bit forced with the name referenced at times (S4) but brilliant all the same.  Love the use of ( ) and for some reason unknown to me, I love the choice of "ottoman" over chair or footrest or whatnot.  "Her body on the ottoman/naked/fragrant/moist..." I'm fascinated by the way these lines made me ponder when exactly her skin did smell like.  Great ending lines - pull the peice together in a perfect manner -- "It's all about prayers/and whispers now."  Brill.  I did find the structure tough at times, but its a solid peice nevertheless.  Very well written with an exceptionally intriguing topic.
 — WordsAndMe

Sad and beautiful.  (Not really thrilled with 18-23 but that's probably just me!)
 — Isabelle5

Oh, this is so impossible.  Cadacus, we did it again, my dear.  You write, I read, I give a 9 then find out it's you.  My 9's are almost always you!  You write as though you live inside my soul.
 — Isabelle5

well i used your name for this one lol.
 — Caducus

whsispering is spelled wrong
you need comma's for lines 2, 3, 8, 9, 14, 15, 19,20, 25, 26, 28.
27 i would end with a period

other wise beautiful well done
 — xtormentedx

Well, I didn't take it personally as there are many other Isabelle's in the world.

(but thankyouthankyouthankyou!)
 — Isabelle5

This is one of those rare times when the line numbers distract from the poem. Nothing to be done for that, but copying out, paste into a text file, and read. (typo in line 5 already noted.)

That was worthwhile. I found much here to enjoy. The progression and rhythm are clear. You've handled one-word lines like a true poet.

The last two lines are off. The poem should end on whispers for full effect.

Now, it's all about prayers
and whispers.
 — DianaTrees

shhhh - Cad, don't you change one line!  The goddess loves this the way it is!
 — Isabelle5

I agree with DianaTrees' suggestion for the final lines, and I agree with all the appreciative comments.

I had originally stopped reading at the typo in line 5, but then later I came back and tried again, and I'm very glad I did. Good work.
 — leukothea

I think this is one of the most powerful poems that I have read by you to date.  Well done.
 — unknown

I really love the symmetry in this poem and how each stanza seems to flow into the other and then is all tied together in the last stanza. Sheer brilliance my friend.
A favorite.
 — marionette

Wow (I nearly said Gosh!) What a good poem - a seriously very, very good poem.
 — opal

changes made, and i think ending it with whispers is more poetic but makes the flow slightly more off. Anyway i have listened and thanks.

Cad
 — unknown

you shhould take up comedy there is a five seat theatre here in coventry you'd pack em in
 — unknown

I love the connections of opposites you apply to the singular word formats on each stanza. This is a cleverly crafted poem that shows and only tells the ending of which one found to be poignant.
 — unknown

I like the humour/personality of this poem. well written. not experienced enough to give suggestions though
 — witness

I love it, but I do with you did something else with the names instead of parenthases.
 — unknown

Hey, C, when are you going to repair "whispering"? This is lovely. I would have preferred one less participle in each strophe. I realize it would be tough to cut, but I think you'd end up with a tighter poem. Truly memorable final two lines. Thank you for sharing.
 — borntodance

( the whispering in L 5 )
 — borntodance

soz a\bout that i have corrected typo
 — unknown

i wish i had that effect on people
 — starwars

why don't they spell madness with two 'D's???
 — unknown

ovely.
 — unknown

This poem gave me the shivers, but I loved it! Starkingly dark, but the beauty is seeping out there as well.
 — icepineapple

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