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pit            dip                       pit
                         dip          it
            tip          pit        
                  pat                   dip
it         pit               tip
    tip                  dip            pit
            ter                  pat  

time ticks for this silence to fall, all night

dropped in vain, a leaf
  chases me around

      rainsoaked, a wind
          chases me around

                 the lightness in being,
                     a soul redeemed
                   another loveless,
                    a life
                     chases me around

28 May 06

Rated 7.3 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 7, 9
Inactive (3): 2, 10, 10

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i think this poem sucks but
wow the optical illusion is fantastic
the words look as if they are tipping side to side
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — unknown

Stylistically well done. I see the rain. I hear it.

Beyond the beginning: Time doesn't tick; clocks tick. You need a different word.

From dropped to redeemed, excellent.

"another loveless a life" ... either you have a word in there you neglected to edit out, or it makes no sense.

"chases me around" -- good tie to the previous verse.

In all, this is worth reading.
 — DianaTrees

beautiful poem
 — syzygy

Wow. This is gorgeous. What a great idea.
 — elysium

very funny
 — unknown

wow! thank you all.

this was an experiment and a hallucination. because from where i am.. rain aint no where around for miles!!

strange may be, funny: i cant say... and Diana trees needs a little more imagination, but thanks for commenting.

god bless our dreams!!
 — unknown

wonderful. just wonderful. really liked the concept..
the recurring phrase sits wonderfully with the theme of the poem.
i'd give it a 10 for being so unique and nice!

 — unknown

IS this supposed to be morse code? Very clever...I remember there was a poem like that on here once before...a long time ago. It was well liked. It had no words at all...just morse code. Good poem.
 — MrChris

wow, i really like the effect of the poem
when I first looked at it I could have sworn the words were pointing/ floating in all directions.
 — sparrow

ok........... what the heck happened here??
 — unknown

did you know that since the bottom part is in the comment box - it doesn't show when it is chosen as a random poem!
 — unknown

you can fix that by using html to insert the second half into the poem as italicized versus using the footnote section.
 — root

what the fuck!!!.. why the hell would anyone do this???!!
 — unknown

oh god.. this is just stupid.. who's grand idea was this?
thank you for the enthusiasm folks but just a regular critique would suffice.. !

Mrchris.. i wish it were the code, also reminds me of the matrix somehow..
but being the author.. i think it's safe to confess..  it was just desperation for rain and my crazy imagery of rain hitting the window..
 — unknown

hey wow..this is so beautiful.. some just just ruined it .. but its beautiful
just what i needed actually.. in this insane summer!
great work love..
 — unknown

different, you get points for that.
 — Virgil

the title is in brail? what does it say?

i have to add that i do like the optical effect too and the 'sound' of the rain you describe here

nicely done

 — Mongrol

hey mong..
thanks for the comment... to a long lost poem.
hmm..almost exactly a year actually :)

and no its not brail. wish it were tho.. its just a visual to go in tandem with the rest of the poem.
 — insideout

i was drawn by the title, then again at the great shape of this poem!!! however the content leaves something to be desired. the repetition of 'chases me around' doesn't quite work for me. i don't understand the line breaks and honestly i can't follow a sentence to completion in this.
 — sunshinesgf