poetry critical

online poetry workshop

sun stained dream

The other day I stopped at the sight
of an old baker family's photo,
black and white, oh I'd spend hours
dreaming up stories I read in their eyes.
Capture me, young girl:
standing on the doorstep,
she looks away from the camera.
Why was she blushing - was she in a rush
home from a story written in trails
of bricks baked brown in the sun?
A story of secrets exchanged in a shadowy
chapel where ceilings are seas of stars
and windows are arched with roses...
They've kept the place the way it was,
you can tell, the sour-dough smells
like it used to. "Anything else I can get you?",
I read in a pair of familiar eyes, as I'm handed
over the loaf of bread I had chosen.
I shake my head "no" and smile
at the fact that they'd given me so much already
and no one would ever know.

27 May 06

(define the words in this poem)
(38 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Interesting enough for a flight of fancy. Technical errors, however, draw away from a good read.

If the photo is black and white, how do you know the girl is blushing?

Familiar eyes don't ask things in quotes. Eyes suggest, intimate, gesture, but they don't speak in quotes: that's reserved for speech.

No one is two words.
 — DianaTrees

thanks DianaTrees, you pointed out some important things...I go straight on to setting them right.
 — sparrow

I'll keep the blushing though, because I think you can tell that someone is blushing if their cheeks are in a darker shade of grey...
 — sparrow

Newest (expand)
  • Don't Keep it Inside
  • Lunar Dews
  • Salvation???
  • //bartender at suzie-Q's on thursday mornings//
  • she drives by my house every couple of weeks
  • Lost at Sea
  • pizza en retard pour nuit
  • A Run-[On] How I Hate Where They Located Me
  • Birthday
  • god will forget about the weather
  • CDXX
  • step-aside
  • flamingos that danced
  • Organic decibels
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)