poetry critical

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until im gone


I put the blade to my wrist
I hate life, I can't resist
I laugh when I feel the pain
Why live, I have nothing to gain
Thick red blood pouring out
Death is coming without a doubt
I smile as I come to my end
Death is my only friend
Why would I cry?
I am about to die
I finally get to leave this horrible place
And never again do I have to see your face
Life is short, death is forever
Ha I’m so smart, so clever
I finally can go away
I never have to see another day
So don't cry for me
Don't you see
For the first time in my life, I will be happy

10 May 06

Rated 2.7 (2.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 1, 2, 5
Inactive (0):

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 — ducktape

woteva ducktape
 — xXxXx

about right
 — gingerdave

You have either imagined yourself in the place of someone committing suicide, or this was your suicide note and you are now dead. If the former, no. If the latter, yes.
 — unknown

THis pom lacks anything that makes it stand out from all the other cutting/suicide poems out there.  I feel no sense of self from the speaker, no originality that makes them anything more but the same whining person in all the other poems.  That in itself is enough for me to not like a poem because I cannot connect to it, I cannot feel any emotion from it.  Then, going on, there is no original word choice, no interesting images, nothing that makes this anything particularly good.  
 — eyesParadox

You don't even tell us your story, only your pain.  We all have pain, how is yours different and what makes you think this will solve the problem?

There are many "cutter" poems, you have to be unique in your approach if you write one.  This isn't unique at all, just the same emotions played again.
 — Isabelle5

If cutting means you won't be writing anymore of this stuff - then keep it up.
 — unknown

well u can all get fuckd coz this is about me
 — xXxXx

Listen, people submit their poetry here to try to improve it. To get criticism. Just throwin that out there, yknow.
 — unknown


I'm not even going to count the number of repeated words, and stock phrases. Scored accurately!
 — unknown

Oh My God!! This is so ANGSTY! If I were into giving 1's, I'd give this one. I like how it rhymed, but cheer the heck up! I have no sympathy for people who self-mutilate. I can be told by professionals till they're blue in face that this is uncontrollable by the cutters, but I'll never believe it. Never. And I'll never believe that alcoholism is a disease. Or that anorexia is either. They're just problems/addictions that people have. Please...stop self-mutilating. Your arm hates you for it. And if you ever have kids, how will you explain? I was so stupidly depressed when younger so I cut my arm to shreads? Yes...that will make sense to the child.
 — MrChris

Leave her alone its her body. She apparnetly has problems with her life and needs help. Lay off her!!!
 — BondageLover