poetry critical

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Needle pierces velvet’s crease to glean beads
glossed in sanguine glow of maiden's chastized
gaze. Mothered pearls give signal to make speed
within, to venture where sweet prize is prised.
Single threaded shaft dips quick in scarlet
swatch; unabated breath gives breach to bream.
Alabaster visage creased like virgin harlot's
lips is gently pressed by crested spear, tween
slipped. Rougescent slitted queen drips dew, dropped
glistening with sapphired gleam. ‘Tis purely
pressed. Sweetest harvest's gift flows free, unstopped
and sluicing forth. Slick petals grip in silk embrace.
With rapid stitch the seam is split, then drawn
together whilst chaste dream does melt with dawn.

24 Apr 06

Rated 7.8 (8.5) by 6 users.
Active (6): 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10
Inactive (7): 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(15 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

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a dyslexix nitemare
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — noodleman

i need a better title?
 — noodleman

i like this title.
 — WordsAndMe

the word choice is beautiful, but there's too many things going on. i can't make sense of it all. try adding something simple to ground it and give it some meaning.
 — livella

but does it make you horny baby?
 — noodleman

what doesn't?
 — livella

 — noodleman

Yikes!!! Ingenious.
 — gingerdave

britney shakespeares
 — unknown

 — noodleman

Title is perfect; its humor keeps the poem from taking itself too seriously.
What would Macbeth have elicited the same feelings for me back in English Lit! I think I'd have even taken summer classes.
 — Catbox

i feel pretty
 — noodleman

Meeeeeoow!  Sultry diction.

What do you mean by "mothered pearls"? I mean I know what you mean *blush* but are you implying that they're opalescent like mother-of-pearl, or did I miss something?

Phew! Is it hot in here or is it me?

Nice work! ;)
 — Maela

I actually had to come back and read this again. Did I say this was hot?
Noodles, you give me mental orgasms. How DO you think of these things?
 — Catbox

This is so going into my favorites.
 — Maela

so difficult to do..........and so perfectly done.  bravo!  lol - k
 — pghpoet

appreciate it
 — noodleman

your style has changed; i don't know what to think of that quite yet, or what brought on this peculiar shift.
 — youthculture

i never took you for a lit-class creeper.

not my style, but you know, it's a noodleman. which means its in a league of its own. i'll rate you based on the other things you've done: 7?...6?...i'll suprise you. otherwise, it's a super funny and creative poem.

(youthculture has a point: you've changed style in this one--even if it is to match willie's. you feeling okay? what happened to the noodle style?)
 — zackrabbit

I love your word choice.
 — Krttika

This is so...aaaahhh.

Noodles, you rule. Have a ten for your trouble, though you'll probably appreciate my appreciation more. You have it.

 — teo_omega11


Skilled, I'll admit, and yea, this is good. Kinda makes me think of the "Bad Sex in Poetry" contest held a while back =P
 — wendz

this poem inspired me to make a poem about tight swatches!
 — crepaway

 — unknown

It is as if you have lost sight of motivation and cannot hear your own bitterness.
 — unknown

i like it. thanks.
 — Seeker

beautiful, sexy and carefully crafted.
 — themorrigan

There didn't seem to be as many 'a's or 'the's as I would have expected. For me this made the poem difficult to read.
 — ferngulley

while it's laudable that you've attempted to write a "sonnet", i feel you probably should have used free verse for this one...
too many syllable counts off
too many thoughts bleeding into the next line
and a line not finished at the end of a quatrain?- sin!
there are so many beautiful things going on here...
well done
 — chuckles

re-titled, no? and a little pinched...
didn't even know it was you man...

 — unknown

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