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My Tuesday Tongue
WordsAndMe

And it’s funny.
 1
I’d be an Indian Giver
 2
[with silver bullets in my hair]
 3
to all the birthday presents,
 4
dog-eared post cards, forgotten
 5
smiles and to every time
 6
my thighs made that perfect valley,
 7
cradling your desire on the beach -
 8
just to steal them back.
 9
 
 
It’s funny,
 10
that after my crimson cheeks of
 11
defying socially correct forum
 12
had faded,
 13
the only things I ever took for granted -
 14
that I
 15
slung carelessly like politician mud,
 16
lovingly molded into bad poetry and
 17
abused indifferently every other Tuesday
 18
still couldn’t be smuggled away from your ears.
 19
 
 
 
 
And I just laugh.
 20

20 Apr 06

Rated 8.7 (7.4) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 8, 9, 9, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 1, 6, 8, 10

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maila



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Comments:

do you keep changing the title?

I really like this. I might reconsider line breaks, and another word to describe cheeks besides crimson.

Very good.
 — unknown

Hah, indeed - I'm very title-fickle; like this one?

Thank you for the kind words, and I will consider your criticisms - thank you so much for taking the time -- appreciated.
 — WordsAndMe

I can't remember the other title(s). I'm not sure about this one though. Let me know next time you change it so I don't have to go looking because I'll be back to read this again, for sure.
btw - small case on 'just' (l9) and 'that (l11).

me again
 — unknown

Is this a repost from months back?
 — unknown

Nope - written yesterday afternoon, any suggestions?
 — WordsAndMe

I'm really hating this title - suggestions, please?
 — WordsAndMe

My Tuesday Tongue
 — unknown

Not sure, but I think "indian giver" is a racist term - might want to check
 — unknown

As far as I know, or at least in the way I'm using the term, I don't think it is - of course, it wouldn't be the first time a poem offends someone.
 — WordsAndMe

like this title more.
 — unknown

Thanks - and thank you to the unknown above for the title suggestion -- I agree, this is better.  Thanks for all the comments, folks - any other criticisms are always welcomed and appreciated.
 — WordsAndMe

wwooww... pretty, like you emotionally challenged, and bitter at how you failed for a past lover. The ambiguity is the only detraction... "forgotten smile"... seems to hint at an personal image that can only be speculated by us... you need to detail more or know whats alluding to the proper context.
 — unknown

thanks for the comment :) will take into consideration
 — WordsAndMe

this is very good, so much better than i will ever do.  keep it up! : )  
....I think i am going to quit writing poems, i just don't think it is me.....
 — eggenbegger

Thank you so much for the comment.
 — WordsAndMe

I really like this.  I'm horrible at punctuation, but sometimes it seems off in this.  Perhaps I'm wrong.  Probably.  This is great.  I love lines 7-9.  

Nice job.
 — MEB

thank you for the time and comment, Meb.  Appreciated :)
 — WordsAndMe

I like it.
 — unknown

I appreciate.
 — WordsAndMe

I actually picture the silver bullets in your hair in the begining of the peice in the way women wear flowers in their hair -- by the end i see them as bullets in your skull.  Nice.
 — unknown

Thank for the compliment.  I like the image, too.
 — WordsAndMe

Hello love!
 — FolleRouge

Hello gorgeous :P
 — WordsAndMe

I like everything about this poem. Reading a poem for me must be an experience. I want to come out of the poem with something that will remain with me, even if only in my subconscious brain.

Maria
 — maila

I like it. Title does not match as much as it could, but i like it
 — katiedid

Thanks Katiedid  -  any suggestions for the title?  Though, I am partial to this one.
 — WordsAndMe

The sloppy structure is fun.  It creates a natural flow.
The first stanza could stand independently as a piece.  It's the stronger half.
 — aurelius

great ending.... i love the irony
 — x2jocelyn2x

liking this lots

"my thighs made that perfect valley"

beautiful line beautiful picture
 — violet

Why thank you, Miss Violet :) Always appreciate the comment.
 — WordsAndMe

I like lines one through to eight. Nine is a given, with line two. The rest of this is okay, but nothing special.
 — wendz

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