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Professor Brown
MrChris

Professor Brown,
 1
a man as interesting as his last name,
 2
died the other day
 3
while calculating the circumference
 4
of the watermark
 5
on his coffee table;
 6
he didn't even have the decency
 7
to cancel class.
 8

11 Apr 06

Rated 9 (8.3) by 6 users.
Active (6): 3, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(4 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
atleverton
SkinImIn



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Comments:

Ouch!  ...and yet, wonderful.

Get rid of unnecessary words ("being about as" (2), "probably" (4), etc.) that clog/muddle up the poem.

Great ending.

Might try expanding?

I dig it.
 — mouse

I agree with Mouse - a few redundant words/phrases going on - I like it short.
 — opal

I don't normally do free verse...but I thought it was an okay poem...there is so much more I know I could put in this, but I don't want it to be too lengthy and I don't want to ruin it...I cut some words out...if you could help me cut/add more it'd be greatly appreciated. I'm not used to writing poems like this. I'm glad you liked it Mouse. I'll see what I can do about putting my other ideas in here...I have so many.
 — MrChris

Professor Brown
Being about as interesting as his last name
Died the other day
Probably while calculating the circumference
Of the watermark
Left by his lemonade glass
On his coffee table;
He didn't even have the decency
To cancel class.



That was the original poem.
 — MrChris

Oh...and thanks for the advice as well Opal...I made it a bit shorter. (I'm not commenting on my poem to bump it to the top of the list...it's already on the top of the recently commented list.)
 — MrChris

Hmm...I just asked someone about this...and should I keep the lemonade glass part in there, and I was also wondering if I should include something about a coaster. Prof. Brown's the type of guy that'd use a coaster.

"...of the watermark
next to his coaster
on the coffee table..."

OR

"...of the watermark
on the coffee table
next to his coaster..."

Or, should I keep it the same maybe?


I want to establish that it's unusual for Prof. Brown to not use a coaster. He's boring like that. Poor guy. Never canceled a class.
 — MrChris

this is so amazing. Incredible that someone would have the lack of decency to post this as substance.




dr brown
 — unknown

It would be indecent had the man ever existed and I was so callous...I mean, prof brown does exist, but I'm talking about all the prof browns in the world. All the boring Professors that never cancel class. The Professor Brown I know teaches philosophy. This Prof. Brown in the poem is probably a mathematics teacher. I thought of writing it because my philosophy professer has been teaching at my college for so long, and when I ask others about him, even other people that work in the building with him, no one knows who he is. And he's worked their longer than most people. He's just an adjunct, and I don't think any of the staff would notice if he didn't come back one semester. I've had three classes with him so far, and in my ethics class, when he looks down to read a passage, about 3 people would leave the room. He's lucky if there's 6 students left by the end of class. I haven't walked out yet on him though.

It's arguable as to whether it has substance or not though. I was hoping it did, but perhaps not.
 — MrChris

last two lines shouldn't be capitalised.

i like the edits you have done so far. doubtless, more people will suggest things that will improve this poem, but i can't see anything else at the moment, i like it very much how it is now.
 — inutile

Well thank you very much inutile...I'm honestly not used to free-verse and most of my poems consist of internal rhyme, so I was going a bit out on a limb here. I hope others could help revise it as well. Again, thank you.
 — MrChris

I think the original version was pretty well spot on, the only thing that struck me as being  out of place was having 'his' in both lines  6 and 7

Professor Brown
Being about as interesting as his last name
Died the other day
Probably while calculating the circumference
Of the watermark
Left by the lemonade glass
On his coffee table;
He didn't even have the decency
To cancel class.
 — wantsaname

Great poem... I applaud your greatness!
 — MrTom

i could have told you a lot of things to do with calculating the circumference of watermarks, but maybe you've already heard. hmm.
 — unknown

Very well done! I guess we all have professor Brown's in our lives
 — JohnLotto23

bit blah!
 — unknown

unknown, i think that's sort of the whole point. how can you have intricate shock value with a poem about a proffeser brown?
 — inutile

Ha! I'd like this a lot more if, like mouse and Opal mentioned, some of the extraneous words were cut out. Made me grin wryly.
 — wendz

I like this poem, and I like the edits.  They do help it out a great deal.  I like the bit about the circumference of the water mark.  If the man had existed, I think it would have been calous, but so what.  People are always dying at inconvenient times.
 — atleverton

A clever statement on bores and self-absorption. Both speaker and Brown, so wrapped up in themselves. Well done.
 — DianaTrees

This rewrite is so much better than the first version.
 — opal

good twist at the end. nice and short but good. interesting.
 — listen

Geez...it's been a while since I've checked up on this one. Thanks a lot fellow poets. I had this guy for three classes and he never cancelled a class...ever...well...I take that back...he did cancel one...Ethics...but it was only because he was done before the allotted time he was given to teach the course. Though old...he's pretty darn healthy.

Thank you wantsaname--I kind of liked the original version too...but I guess it was a tad verbose. I usually catch repetitive words, so thanks for pointing those out for me.
Thanks inutile...maybe you are my biggest fan. Thanks for liking it and for defending the poem. That was great of you.
Thank you atleverton, Opal, Wendz, JohnLotto23, Listen, MrTom, and DianaTrees for liking this as well. I wrote this in the shower...well not really "wrote" it in the shower, but I thought of it while in the shower. And then embellished on it when I drove to college. It was a quick write, but it seems as though the purpose of my poem, as Atleverton and DianaTrees put nicely, was meet successfully. Thanks.
Thanks unknown for the offer of teaching me about the circumference of watermarks. That was funny.
 — MrChris

i found the password to my old yahoo account and am currently trying to stalk you on it, but you're not responding. come out of hiding, would ya? :)
 — inutile

Though i can appreciate the "flow" of adding the lines about lemonade, but then the poem would lose part of what makes it so distinctly strong. That one-two punch that leaves the mind open for its own expansion. Shorter is not always better, but these days, it is distinct.
 — SkinImIn

Hairy ass dimples.
 — pra3torian

hairy puppy bark bark!
 — unknown

I have read the comments or more specifically your reply to the comments - I don't think the last two line quite convey that he never missed a class, more that you as students were put-out by his death. How about something different?

Professor Brown,
a man as interesting as his last name,
died the other day
while calculating the circumference
of the watermark
on his coffee table;
there was a 1,327,867:1 chance
that he wouldn't have.
 — unknown

Wow. LOL I love it and you are by the way such a cool looking dude
 — larrylark

Interesting and short and oh such a good, unexpected ending.
 — Nostalgia

LOVED IT!
 — unknown

One of my all time favorites!
 — unknown

ooh, deep and smug. did you think this one up yourself? i feel like i've read it about a hundred times and that must mean something. can you do one on mr. green?

by the way, the rhythm and word flow seems fine. don't expand or contract it if you have any poetic integrity... it's good formally, it's just that the content is so trite that it's repulsive.
 — mikebauer

it's amazing how something so "short" and "simple" can create suh a long list of comments. the poem itself is "slightly" sad i think, but well written. we all had a professor brown in our lives.
 — photobooth

great. i think your revisions are very good.
 — sarahjoie

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